


Hanging On

by themuslimbarbie



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), DCU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, F/M, Fairy Tale Retellings, Falling In Love, Mental Health Issues, Snow White Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-01 12:52:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12705366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themuslimbarbie/pseuds/themuslimbarbie
Summary: “Sara,” he says almost as if it’s a joke. “Like a princess?”She refuses to be embarrassed by that. “That’s a weird thing to know.”He shrugs. “What can I say? I know things.”





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat inspired by the idea that Caity Lotz had about E2!Sara being a librarian. But as an AU.

_Mirror, mirror, hanging on the wall: who's the fairest of them all?_  

* * *

Sara is not having a quarter-life crisis. Really.

It's just that three months after Kendra moves across the country to try to work things out with her ex, Sara wakes up and thinks that maybe it's time to change her life. Not just because she realizes that she might have been a little in love with her (now ex-)roommate, but because she never really planned to be this person – the one who sleeps during the day and bartends at night. Well, at least not at this age. It was fine when she was twenty-three and fresh out of college; less fine now that she's pushing thirty and everyone she knows is at least in the process of having their life figured out.

So she digs up her old transcripts, emails a couple of her old professors, and applies to every program in the country. Six months later, much to her surprise, she gets a handful of acceptances.

_library science?_ Kendra texts when Sara tells her the news. _u want to sit in a quiet room all day? that def sounds like a quarter life crisis_

_I like the quiet_ , Sara texts back. She adds _you were the one who hated it, remember?_ but deletes it after a second thought.

Kendra does that annoying thing where she types something, pauses, erases it, and tries all over again. Sara hates that she can see it, but also kind of hates that she’s a little glad that she can. That she can know that maybe this weird state that they’re in is just a bit awkward for Kendra too.

Finally, she texts back, _as long as it makes you happy_ followed by some smiling emoji.

Sara thinks it can’t make her any less happy than she is right now. Almost texts that too but stops at the last second because she knows how worried Kendra will get if she does. As much as this whole thing sucks and as weird as things are between them right now, Sara doesn’t want to actually upset her. It would kill her a little bit to know that Kendra isn’t enjoying her time with Carter because she’s worried about what Sara is going through.

_thanks_ , she says instead. With anyone else that probably would have been the end of the conversation, but Kendra always has to take the extra step.

_u got into metropolis, right? carter says that’s the best one in the country. is it safe to assume thats where ur going?_

Sara frowns. _can’t afford it. they don’t do scholarships_. Plus they know Sara’s mom and might still be bitter that she turned down their fancy job offer to build her own department at a less pretentious university. But that’s mostly speculative on Sara’s part.

_well? dont keep me in suspense. where r u going?_

_central city. program’s good and affordable. plus mom is there now._

Kendra doesn’t answer back immediately. Doesn’t even read the text. Sara knows it’s probably because she’s at work and isn’t actually supposed to be on her phone. But that doesn’t make it any less weird. It’s been months since Kendra left, so you’d think by now Sara would be used to not having her around. Would be used to not having Kendra's attention every time she wants to talk about something. But she thinks kind of hard to move on from someone when you’re still surrounded by all the things that remind you of them. And it’s kind of hard to not be surrounded by those things when one of them is your apartment and every stupid crevice has a memory.

Which is part of the reason why Sara needs to leave.

Later, when Sara’s getting ready to leave for her last week at the bar, she gets a text from Kendra: _u will love ccu. i have an old friend who goes there. u would like him._

_cool_ , she shoots back. _will get deets from you when i move._

She won’t, and a part of Sara wonders if Kendra already knows that.

 

Sara doesn’t have a bad relationship with her mom because that would require them to _have_ a relationship.

Okay, that's not really fair. Dinah still remembers every birthday and every holiday. She and Sara still text from time to time, which probably means Sara has more of a relationship with Dinah than Laurel does. But Sara was always closer to their mom growing up, so that shouldn’t be much of a surprise. The divorce just sort of complicated that. Especially when Dinah left and Quentin stayed, and Sara didn't have much say in any of it.

Sara thinks that probably shouldn't be relevant now, all these years later.

She doesn't tell Dinah when she applies to CCU, but she does let her know when she accepts the position. Only Dinah is in Turkey, looking at old pots or something, and finishing up her summer sabbatical when Sara texts her. Still, Dinah tells her she's thrilled and even helps Sara find a place to stay.

The apartment isn’t the biggest or nicest place Sara’s ever stayed at and she has to share it with a couple, but it’s only a few blocks from the university and the rent is reasonable. It belongs to this girl, Amaya, and her boyfriend, Nate, who works as a research professor at CCU. He’s in history, so he’s worked with Dinah a couple of times, but there’s no actual chance of him crossing paths with Sara on campus, so it shouldn’t get awkward with him. Not that Sara thinks that anything can be awkward with someone as excitable and friendly as Nate.

Amaya’s the opposite of Nate – cool, collected, and kinda badass. She doesn't exactly tell Sara what she does, but she speaks like six languages, is deceptively strong, and exudes confidence, so Sara is pretty sure she has to be CIA. Amaya doesn't admit it when Sara asks, but she doesn't deny it either. The one time Sara asks Nate about it, he grins at her with this almost childlike excitement and holds his finger to lips like he's telling her to keep the secret. So, yeah, Sara's going with CIA.

They’re strange people individually, and an even stranger couple. But they're friendly and welcoming and pretty chill, so Sara likes them.

“Do you have any plans tonight?” Amaya asks her Monday evening. She stands in the doorway of Sara’s room wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. Her hands rest on her hips and she has this bright smile on her lips, and Sara thinks it really isn’t fair how a single person can be so attractive.

She shrugs. “Was thinking about unpacking my last few boxes. Maybe go to the gym. Nothing concrete though.”

“Good. Nathaniel wants you to come out with us,” Amaya says. “I have tomorrow off and he wants to go out before the semester begins. There’s this bar near the university called the Gideon’s. He’s been wanting to go for quite some time now. It could be a good opportunity for you to mingle with your fellow students.”

Sara raises a brow. “A good opportunity to mingle? Okay, grandma,” she says playfully. Amaya rolls her eyes, and Sara can tell this isn’t the first time someone’s called her that, but her smile doesn’t waver. “Sounds cool,” she says. “I'm always down for a drink.”

Amaya looks at Sara for a moment. “You worked in a bar, right? I would assume it's fair to say you can handle your alcohol then.”

It isn't fair to assume that, Sara knows. She once worked with this guy named Roy who absolutely could not last more than a few drinks. But that isn't really a story for now. “I handle myself just fine,” she says instead.

“Good,” Amaya says. “I need someone else around here who can do that.” She pauses and studies Sara for a moment before she asks, “Whiskey?”

“Bourbon.”

Amaya shrugs and says almost a little too nonchalantly, “Close enough.”

“Okay, for the sake of our living situation, I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that,” Sara says very seriously. Amaya smirks in this way that confirms she knew exactly what she was doing when she said that. Sara almost laughs. “Let me guess, an old lady like you probably likes her classics. Vodka martini?”

“Gin.”

“I can work with gin.”

“Good,” Amaya says. “Be ready be eleven.”

She nods. As Amaya leaves, Sara thinks it probably says something that the most relaxed conversation she’s had with her new roommate is about alcohol and bars, the exact life she’s trying to get away from.

 

Gideon's is kind of your stereotypical hipstery bar for mid-twenty-something year olds. The music alternates between classic rock and some indie band Sara's not cool enough to know, and the shelves are lined with the basic liquors plus a few boujee things she only recognizes from her bartending days.

Sara's probably pushing the target demographic. Nate definitely looks like he sticks out, but he doesn't seem to care. He gets the first round and grins when he talks to the bartender, this cute bald lady with an almost airy voice. Amaya, oddly enough, seems the most at ease there. Sara isn't sure if that's because she's younger than them or because she is so used to sticking out that it no longer phases her.

It's not super packed, but it is busier than Sara would expect for a Monday night. But she's willing to bet that's because everyone had the same idea as Nate. They score a table, but it’s off to the side and all the chairs have already been jacked by another table. Still, beats nothing.

Amaya drinks toe-to-toe with Sara, which looks even more impressive next to Nate who spends so much time talking that he’s still working on his first drink when they get their third and some jazzy song comes on. Amaya’s face immediately lights up and Nate grins at her.

“This is my favorite song,” she explains. “Would you mind if we go dance?”

Sara waves them off. “I've been itching to shoot some pool anyways,” she says. She barely finishes her sentence before Nate takes Amaya's hand and they go off.

All the pool tables are on the other side of the bar, which means Sara immediately loses sight of Amaya and Nate. It's right after that she remembers she didn't charge her phone before she left the apartment so it might die any minute. But there's also nothing she can do about that now, so she figures she'll find them when she needs them. Or just take a cab back to the apartment herself. She's pretty sure she remembers the address correctly.

Whatever. She's a big girl. She'll figure it out.

There are only three tables in the whole bar, all of which are taken. One table has a group of three people and the second has a girl teaching some guy she's with how to play, which probably means it'll be a while until either are free. The third table has a couple of MBA-type of guys on the last couple of shots on their game, so she asks to play winner. Which conveniently ends within a few minutes.

The dude she plays is one of those guys who clearly thinks too highly of himself. She’s willing to bet he probably secretly thinks he's too good for a bar like this but still comes here because he thinks it'll make picking someone up easier. He also talks. A lot. About nothing.

Sara beats him in under ten minutes.

“I’ve never had my ass handed to me so quickly. That deserves a drink,” he says, gesturing towards the bar.

“I have a drink,” Sara says. “I'd rather just play another round.”

“We can play later,” he says. “Your drink’s almost empty now. Rum and coke?”

“I'm fine,” Sara says flatly.

He frowns and takes a step towards her. “Come on. It's just a drink.”

“Nah, man,” someone says, stepping between Sara and the jackass before she can say anything else. “The lady’s clearly not interested, so how ‘bout you back off? Or are we gonna have a problem?”

The jackass stares at him for a moment, probably determining if it’s worth even putting up the front. It clearly isn’t because he sighs dramatically and says “whatever” and wanders off. The guy in front of her waits a beat and, once he seems satisfied the jackass is gone, takes a step forward and adds some distance between himself and Sara before he turns and faces her.

“I am _so_ sorry about that,” he says as if it’s his fault the jackass harassed her.

She stares at him for a beat with a raised a brow. “I had that under control,” she says, not sure what to make of him at the moment.

“Oh, I don't doubt that,” he tells her. Which she thinks should be an insult, but he says it in this way that is playful without a hint of mockery, and Sara thinks he really does believe her. “The thing is, if my mom ever found out I just sat by and watched a woman get harassed, she would kick _my_ ass. So it was a bit selfish on my part,” he explains. Then says, “But now that he’s gone, I’ll leave you alone. Sorry about interrupting your ass kicking.”

Before he turns to leave, he smiles at her in this way that is so bright and genuine and Sara thinks _oh_. And, yeah, okay, he looks a little young – younger than her for sure – but he’s cute and buff and seems sweet, which is totally her type. So she thinks _what the hell_.

“Hey!” Sara calls. “Hold up, Prince Charming. I haven’t forgiven you yet.”

He turns back around and raises a brow. “You talkin’ to me?”

“You see any other white knights riding around here?” she asks.

He grins and shrugs. “Guess not.”

She grins back. “You ready to earn my forgiveness?”

He takes a few steps closer, making the distance between them a little less awkward. “What did ya have in mind?”

“You chased away my opponent,” she says, gesturing to the pool table. “The least you could do is let me kick your ass for a game or two.”

He pauses and studies her for a moment, but his grin grows a little. “Alright,” he says. “Losers buys the next round?” he asks, but then pauses. “Unless that’s not your thing,” he adds. He’s grabbing a cue stick as he says it, so she can’t read his face to be sure, but she thinks he says it to make sure he isn’t crossing a line the way the last guy did. It’s unnecessary, but still kind of nice.

Sara grins. “Sure, if you’re willing to fork out that easily.”

He laughs. “We’ll see about that.”

 

They decide to play to the best of five and Sara wins within four games, _of course_. But he gets close in the last game – close enough that he might have beaten her if she didn’t sink the eight on her first try. Because if she didn’t, he definitely would have. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s patient, attentive, searches for the right angle. Doesn't rush into it. He’s good. Really good.

“Guess it the engineer in me. Calculating angles is kinda my thing,” he says when she mentions it at the bar. He rolls his eyes when she tries to pay for her drink and reminds her that they had a bet. “How ‘bout you? How’d you get so good?” he asks.

“Former bartender,” she says, taking her drink. “Had to find a way to kill time during slow day shifts.” And a way to shut up the gross patrons she couldn’t physically smack in the middle of a shift.

“What? Tending to the annoying needs of day drinkers wasn't entertainment enough?” he asks with a cheeky grin. Then adds, “Why former? If you don't mind me asking.”

Sara knows this conversation all too well. After working in a bar for years, she’s seen it happen a million times, and experienced it at least another million. The conversation where you feign interest in someone else’s life because it’s one in the morning and you’ve been drinking and the person in front of you is hot.

So she thinks she should shut it down, because that’s not where she is right now. She’s still feeling Amaya and Nate out, and the last thing she wants to do is piss off her new roommates by dragging a random guy back to the apartment. And it’s not like she’s about to go back to a stranger’s place. Besides, she’s trying out the whole living in a new city thing – she probably shouldn’t hook up with the first attractive person she clicks with at a bar. So, yeah, now would be the appropriate time to stop this.

But she doesn’t, because there’s something in the way he says it that’s a little different than what she normally sees. Because she thinks that maybe he’s not actually feigning it and maybe – just maybe – this guy is actually interested in why she would change careers. This cute, funny guy who is studying to be an engineer and is probably some kind of genius but doesn’t even patronize her when she says she was a bartender until recently.

And it’s probably the bourbon, but she feels a little warm.

Sara shrugs and takes a sip. “Life wasn’t going the way I wanted, so I thought it was time for a change.”

He stares at her for a moment and smiles in this way that makes her feel like she’s just said something deep and meaningful. “Trust me,” he says, almost softly, “I feel that all too well.”

She thinks that there has to be something there, but she stops just short of asking because she hears someone call her name. She turns around in time to see Nate’s grinning face before he wraps an arm around her shoulders.

“Sara! I foun’ you!” he declares, his words slurring together, before he turns his head back over his shoulder and calls out, “‘Maya, I foun’ her!”

“The hell?” her guys says. “You know him?”

“Unfortunately,” Sara says, glaring at Nate.

Nate’s head perks up, suddenly noticing the guy. He looks at him for a moment before he leans in to Sara and whispers very loudly, “Is he bothering you?”

If she were more sober and less annoyed, she would find that amusing. “No, he’s cool,” Sara says instead. She thinks there must be something in the water here.

“Okay, goooood,” Nate says. And then doesn’t move. Just stands there with his arm wrapped around her shoulder and waves Amaya over.

Fortunately, it doesn’t take Amaya long to reach them. “There you are,” she says when she gets close enough. She wraps her arm around Nate's waist and almost scoops him off of Sara. He leans against her, but Amaya somehow doesn’t waiver under the weight of her large boyfriend. “Nathaniel had one too many drinks and became concerned that we had lost you.”

“Exactly how many drinks did it take for him to decide that?” Sara asks. He had been nursing his one vodka-tonic the last time she saw him.

“Three,” she says.

Well, Sara thinks, that explains what Amaya meant by needing someone else around who could handle themselves.

“I already called a cab,” Amaya tells her. “It'll be here soon,” she says, but then pauses. She glances past Sara to the (probably now confused) guy behind her. “Assuming it isn’t here already.” Amaya says as she looks back to Sara and raises her brow slightly. Sara gives her a small smile and nods, assuring her that he’s not bothering her, and thinks that there is definitely something in the water here.

“I'll walk you out,” the guy says and finishes his drink. He holds his hand out and takes her empty glass, and sets it on the counter next to his. “You need help with this dude?” he asks Amaya.

“No, thank you,” she says, and leads Nate away from the bar. He and Sara follow her out.

“Can I give you my number?” he asks when they get outside. It's a little gesture, but it leaves her free to reject him or never talk to him again if she wants. He's considerate. But she kind of already figured that out.

Sara nods and pulls her phone out of her pocket, and swipes away the five missed calls she has from Nate and two texts from Amaya. She hands her phone to him… just in time for her to see the screen power off.

“Shit,” she says taking it back. As a rule, she prefers not to give out her number. She's woken up the next day with way too many regrets and text messages. She turns around, but Amaya is too busy helping Nate into the cab to lend Sara her phone. She looks back at the guy and after a beat thinks, _screw it_. “I’ll give you mine,” she says.

He grins, digs it out of his back pocket, and hands it to her. She punches her number into his phone and hands it back to him. Prince Charming looks down at it and smiles.

“Sara,” he says almost as if it’s a joke. “Like a princess?”

She refuses to be embarrassed by that. “That’s a weird thing to know.”

He shrugs. “What can I say? I know things.” He looks at her like he wants to say something else, but he’s cut off by the cab honking. Sara turns around to see that there’s a line of cars forming behind her cab, all waiting for her to get in so they can drive off. “I’ll text you,” he says. “Soon.”

For a second, Sara wonders if he's going to try to kiss her, which she thinks she kind of wants but also feels like it's crossing a line at this stage. He doesn't though, and the cab honks again before either of them can figure out what comes next. The cab driver leans out the window and tells her to get in or he's going to leave her. So Sara settles for giving him an awkward wave before getting in the cab. When she looks out the window, just as the cab drives off, she sees him grin.

“Well, he seems nice” Amaya says.

“Yeah,” Sara smiles. “He was.”

“Good,” Amaya says, almost approvingly. As she does, Nate leans his head on her shoulder. Instinctively, she lifts her hand to hold his head stead, her thumb gently stroking his cheek. He smiles and Sara thinks she can actually see him lean into Amaya’s hand.  “What’s his name?”

Sara freezes and the realization hits her. “ _Shit_.”


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Dinah Drake in this fic is Sara's mom, Dinah Drake-Lance, not the new Dinah Drake from Arrow.

It’s not like she expects to have a text from him the next morning. It’s been awhile since Sara did this whole “meet a stranger at a bar and exchange numbers” thing, but she’s pretty sure the “don’t text them immediately” thing hasn’t changed. To be honest, it might freak her out a little bit if he did text her so soon.

But when she turns on her phone, a text pops up and her breath hitches.

 _replaced me already?_ Kendra writes.

Sara stares at the phone for a beat and then another. Because there’s no way she could possibly mean what Sara thinks she means. Kendra’s always been intuitive, but that’s another level. She shakes her head and writes back,

_what?_

It takes a few minutes, but Kendra texts her a screenshot of a Facebook picture that Sara’s been tagged on. It’s of Sara and Amaya at the bar with the caption “roommate bonding!” and posted by Nate’s account, _of course_.

 _u replaced me_ Kendra repeats. _i’m hurt_ , she adds with a winking emoji.

Sara snorts. She wants to remind Kendra that she replaced Sara first, but even she knows that would be a ridiculously dramatic response. _they’re nice_ , she writes instead. _you would like them_.

_idk. they like u so they cant be that nice. remember that snart guy?_

_you promised you wouldn’t bring that up again._

_i lied._

Sara laughs. _jerk_.

Someone knocks on her door. Sara gets up, tosses her phone on her bed, and goes to open it. Nate stands on the other side and gives her a sheepish smile.

“I heard you laughing,” he says. “That means you can’t be _too_ mad about last night, right?”

Sara crosses her arms. “What do you think?”

Nate pauses. “I think you must really like this guy to be this annoyed."

She stares at him for a moment. “That… is not the point.”

“Oh,” he says with a cheeky grin. “I think that is _exactly_ the point. So,” he says, walking into her room and plopping down on her desk chair. “What’s his name? How did you meet? Give me all the details.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Amaya says, suddenly appearing. Sara thinks she must have been around the corner when Nate came to her door. “I already told Nathaniel you didn’t get his name.”

“‘Maya, I was going to let her tell me that on her own,” he says. “But now that the cat’s out of the bag: what the hell, Sara? How drunk were you that you didn’t even get the guy’s name?”

“First of all,” Sara says as she goes to sit down on her bed, “You don't get to say anything about my alcohol levels, lightweight.”

“Hey! That's not really fair. I was having an off night.”

“What's your excuse for every other night then?” Amaya asks, leaning against Sara's desk.

“Second,” Sara continues, not about to get stuck in the middle of some couples’ banter that is probably their version of foreplay. “The opportunity didn't really come up.”

“And why is that?” Amaya asks playfully.

Sara realizes how that sounds and she thinks she could play along with it. It's not like it hasn't happened in the past – sometimes things happen when alcohol is involved. Everyone's been there.

But that isn't what happened and something tugs at her at the thought of even telling a little white lie for humor's sake. Sara isn't sure if it's because the guy deserves more credit than that or because Amaya deserves more than a lie from her or if it's because Sara would like something in her life that's nice and honest and not so tainted by stupid lies for stupid reasons. Probably some combination of all three.

Whatever the reasoning is, Sara says, “He stepped in when some guy was bothering me. So I, uh, called him Prince Charming.”

She's met with silence.

“Okay,” Nate says slowly. “That is _stupidly_ cute and I’m kind of really jealous that I never thought to call Amaya that.”

Amaya nods in agreement.

“Yeah, well, still doesn't change the fact that you interrupted before I could get his name,” Sara says in an attempt to veer the conversation away from her embarrassing nickname. “Especially since my phone died before I could get his number.”

“I thought you gave him yours,” Amaya says.

Sara isn't sure how Amaya was able to notice that while handling drunk Nate, but decides to chalk it up to her CIA skills. “I did, but now I have to wait for him to text me.”

“Ah, yes, the three day rule,” Nate says dramatically. “What you should done is left something behind with him so he would have to contact you sooner. Then you wouldn't have to wait.”

Amaya gives him a curious look. “Are you suggesting she should have Cinderella'd him?” she asks.

“Well,” he says as he grins widely, and Sara wonders if he only made his suggestion to lead up to what comes next. “She did say he was a _Prince Charming_...”

Sara throws a pillow at his head. “I am never telling you anything again,” she declares.

Nate just grins at her.

 

Dinah Drake has exactly two modes when it comes to meeting people – fifteen minutes late or an hour early. It was the most annoying thing when Sara was younger and still needed her mom to do things like pick her up from soccer practice. But as she got older and learned how to coordinate around her mother's ridiculous sense of time, it became kind of hilarious to see the extreme lengths Dinah would go to in order to make sure she was at the right place at the right time. Apparently it still is, even after all these years.

For example, her book club meets at eight p.m. every Tuesday night, so Dinah arrives at the cafe at six p.m. and works until everyone else shows up. Which is exactly what she's doing when Sara shows up at seven-fifteen to have dinner with her mother at seven.

“Classes don't even start until tomorrow,” Sara says when she sees the array of papers and books spread over the table.

“Yes, which means I only have until the morning to sort out my syllabus,” Dinah explains. “I meant to finish it over the weekend, but you know how life goes.” She shakes her head as she stacks her papers together in a way that would probably only be organized for her. “But enough about me: how are you, darling? How’s Ollie?”

Sara raises a brow as she sits down. “He’s fine. Just got engaged to his boyfriend, John. They started dating after we broke up. Six years ago.”

“Oh? Well, I never liked him.”

“You adored him,” Sara reminds her as she scans the menu. A grilled cheese sounds amazing right now, she thinks. “Dad hated him. It was Nyssa you didn’t like.”

Dinah barely misses a beat. “She always seemed like trouble. Whatever happened to that Shado girl? She was nice.”

“She moved to Hong-Kong. Also, I’m pretty sure she was straight.”

“Was she? Shame.”

Sara almost laughs, half because of how Dinah says it, half because she can’t believe she’s having this conversation with her mother. All of Dinah’s knowledge of her is half-wrong and from an entirely different decade of Sara’s life. It’s so different from her dad, who sometimes seemed a little too involved in her and Laurel’s lives. Then again, they lived with him. In Starling. While Dinah moved to Central City.

(It probably means something that she keeps coming back to that, but Sara’s sure as hell not about to confront what that is.)

The rest of dinner follows like that – half awkward, half ridiculous. It's weird. But she kind of enjoys it, or at least more than she expected to. Which probably doesn't say much considering how low her expectations were when Dinah asked her to meet for dinner. Plus, there's not much time for her to disappoint Sara in the forty minutes they have together before Dinah’s book club begins.

“Oh,” a woman says as she approaches them. She glances at Sara and then Dinah. “Am I interrupting?” she asks.

“Not at all,” Dinah says and she gestures for the woman to sit.

“You must be Sara,” the woman says. She has this bright, sweet smile that reminds Sara of when she was a kid and would come home to her dad grinning at her as he pulled a fresh pan of cookies out of the oven. It's warm. Welcoming. Sara instantly feels relaxed. “Your mother’s told me so much about you. She's been so excited about your big move.”

Dinah smiles brightly and nods a little when the woman says that. Which Sara thinks is kind of weird considering Dinah hasn't mentioned that to her yet. But bites her tongue before she says something that would cause more trouble than it's worth.

“I'm sorry,” she says instead. “I don't think I caught your name.”

“Beverly,” she says.

Sara smiles. “Nice to meet you.”

“Will you be joining us?” she asks.

She pauses. She hadn't been planning on it, but there's something in the way Beverly looks at her that makes Sara want to please her. “I don't know what you're reading,” she says, half hopeful that will be enough.

Her mother grins. “ _To The Lighthouse,_ ” she announces almost dramatically.

It was Sara's favorite book in college. Which Dinah would know because she bought her a fancy copy of it for her twentieth birthday. It was so nice that Sara never actually read it because she was worried she would ruin it just by touching it. It's still at her dad's place. She left it there with her middle school diaries and Laurel's pre-law textbooks. The worn out paperback version she bought for three dollars at a used bookstore was the copy she took with her when she got her own place.

Another woman enters the cafe and Beverly stands up to greet her, but Dinah stays in her seat, looking at Sara. And it suddenly occurs to Sara that Dinah might have planned this, or at the very least hoped for it, from the moment they made dinner plans. Sara thinks it would track with them – their family always did have a hard time just admitting what it is they really want.

“This is Sara, Dinah’s daughter,” Beverly tells the new woman. “And I'm hoping she will be joining us tonight.”

Finally, Sara shrugs and says, “It's been awhile since I read the book, but I'll try to follow along.”

Dinah claps her hands together. “I'm sure you'll do just fine, dear.”

Maybe she will, Sara thinks.

 

Sara wakes up exhausted the next morning despite going to a fairly reasonable hour. She lays in bed for a few minutes and thinks that this all feels a little anticlimactic. But she gets up and showers and braids her hair and changes into a pair of jeans and a plain black shirt.

She grabs her favorite leather jacket out of her closet, but then pauses when she remembers where she is. The weather is different here than back in Starling - it's warm and sunny and bright - so it doesn’t really make sense to carry it when she’ll probably take it off before she even reaches the campus. She knows that, but it still feels strange, leaving her room without it.

Amaya’s pouring herself a cup of coffee when Sara walks in to the kitchen. She smiles brightly when she sees her. “Good morning.”

Sara wrinkles her nose. “Don’t tell me you’re a morning person.”

“What’s wrong with mornings?” she asks, amused.

“Do you want a list?”

She laughs. She gestures to the pot of coffee, an offer Sara easily accepts. “First day of class. Are you excited?”

Sara shrugs and pours her coffee in travel mug. It’s a hideous shade of yellow with black birds drawn on it. Kendra got it in a White Elephant game a few years back and very conveniently forgot about it when she moved out of their apartment. “Is anyone ever excited about school?” she asks, leaning against the counted and taking a sip.

Amaya doesn’t say anything. When Sara looks up at her, she’s giving Sara a strange look. “Nathaniel always is,” she says slowly. Then, after a beat, asks, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Too late to back out now,” Sara says half-playfully, half-serious. Amaya doesn’t seem to think it’s funny, and frowns in this worried way that makes Sara think that she probably said more than she should have. So she wrinkles her nose again and grins. “That’s the morning talking,” she says. “I’ll be more excited once the coffee kicks in.”

She’s met with silence and another frown, and she can tell that Amaya isn’t buying what she’s selling. The only question is whether Amaya will say anything about it. Fortunately, Nate seems to have perfected the art of popping up at the most awkward times, and chooses that moment to stick his head in the kitchen.

“Did someone say coffee?” he asks with a grin.

“Yup,” Sara says, looking away from Amaya. She grabs her cup and moves out of Nate’s way as he thanks Amaya for the coffee with a kiss. Sara makes a face. “And that’s my cue to leave.”

“Wait. What time is your first class? I can give you a ride if you wait a bit,” Nate offers.

She waves it off. “Thanks, but I actually want to walk. It’ll give me a chance to check out the campus before class,” she says.

Sara doesn’t really wait for Nate’s reply before she leaves. She feels a bit bad about that, and makes a mental note to apologize later. Hopefully later once Amaya forgets about their conversation.

 

Her entire cohort will have shifts at the Henry Hewitt Library. It’s easier that way, her professors explain, since Hewitt is the general library. Once they establish their specialties, they will be reassigned to a more appropriate library. But until then it’s working the front desk at Hewitt. Which she supposes will be as exciting as sitting around an undergrad library sounds.

Most of Sara’s shifts are with this girl named Zari, who spends half her time blogging about Islamophobia and the dangerous of white supremacy, and the other half protesting various causes at City Hall. She’s headstrong and stubborn, and doesn’t really pull her punches. She wants to specialize in electronically archiving old documents – you know, bringing the past into the future.

She might be the coolest person Sara’s ever met.

It's Zari's idea to visit the library. She just moved in from Seattle, so she's just as new to CCU as Sara. And, like Sara, has no idea how Hewitt is laid out. So after they finish their last class, they trek up Hewitt Hill to the library.

And it's there she spots Prince Charming, sitting on the couches with his feet propped up on a table and a book in his lap. Which is ridiculous, because who _studies_ on the first day of class?

Sara isn't even sure what she says to Zari as they walk by, but she knows she says it loudly because Zari looks at Sara like she's being ridiculous. Sara barely notices though, because her plan works and he looks up from his book and grins.

“Hey, it’s Snow White,” he says.

Sara blinks. “Is this because I called you Prince Charming the other night?”

He pauses and looks at her with a barely contained grin. “Yeah…” he says cheekily. “ _That_ ’s why. No other reason.”

“Hah!” Zari laughs, not caring that they're supposed to at least pretend to be quiet in a library. “Good one,” she says. She holds out her hand. “I’m Zari, by the way.”

“Jax,” he says taking her hand.

Zari, Sara decides, is going to be her new best friend. Or at least her new wingman. She's already a much better choice than Nate.

“What are you ladies doing in the library already? Semester's just started.”

“Says the guy already studying,” Sara points out.

He grins in this way that does something to her. “What can I say? I like to be prepared,” he says. “That's why you're here, right? Library Science?”

Sara didn't really doubt that he was actually listening to her talk that night, but she still smiles when he says that. “Yeah. Shifts here start next week.”

“Cool. Guess that means I'll be seeing you around,” he says. His watch beeps before she gets the chance to say anything else. Which is kind of weird because Sara isn't sure she even knows anybody who still wears wristwatches, much less uses them as alarms. “I gotta get to class,” he explains. He glances at Zari. “Nice meeting ya,” he says before he turns back and tells Sara, “I'll text you.”

“Cool,” she says.

Once he grabs his books and walks off, Zari asks, “You hitting that?”

“No,” Sara says. She pauses and then adds, “Working on it though.”

Zari nods approvingly. “He’s cute,” she says. “Well, for an undergrad.”

Sara stares at her.

A beat passes.

Then another.

“For a _what_?”

 

Nate texts her when she's on her way home to tell her that he's making dinner for all three of them to celebrate the first day of school. Sara isn’t exactly sure why he’s so excited considering he’s mostly a research professor, which means he doesn’t have a whole new semester of classes to start, but ultimately chalks it up to him being Nate and just being ridiculously excitable about certain things. But dinner means Sara can’t exactly avoid them after the slight awkwardness this morning.

When Sara gets back to the apartment, Amaya is setting the table. She looks up at Sara and for a brief moment, Sara thinks she'll say something. She doesn't though. Instead she smiles at Sara and hands her one if the beers she's carrying. Sara smiles back, takes the beer, and helps her set up for dinner. And it feels a little bit like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders because she wasn't particularly looking forward to avoiding her only friends in the city.

Dinner, as it turns out, are Nate's mom's famous sandwiches. Which is not at all what Sara expected, but are surprisingly good.

“So how did your first day of class go?” Amaya asks when they sit down.

“Alright,” Sara says and takes a sip of her beer. “We’re starting shifts at Hewitt next week. The girl I have my shifts with is pretty co...” She trails off when her phone vibrates on the table. She glances down, expecting a text from Kendra or her mom or even Laurel, asking about her first day. Instead it’s from an unknown local number.

_hey this is jax_

Nate studies her. “Why are you smiling like that?”

Sara snaps her head back and forces a frown. “What? I’m not smiling. Psh,” she scoffs. And then, in an attempt to change the subject, says, “So, Nate, how was your first day?”

Amaya gives her a knowing smile. “He texted you, didn’t he? The guy from the bar.”

Sara feels some heat on her cheeks, which is ridiculous because she's acting like a girl with a crush and she is way too old to be having crushes.

Nate eyes widen and he grins. “He totally just text you!” he declares. “He didn’t even wait three whole days. He must really like you.”

“Well, considering I ran into him today, it would be pretty weird if he didn’t text me,” Sara says as she saves Jax’s number to her phone. She’s met with silence. When she looks up, Nate is giving her this betrayed look.

“Hold on,” he says dramatically. “You’re saying you _found_ Prince Charming and you didn’t _tell us_? I’m hurt, Sara.”

“Okay, first off, his name is Jax so please stop calling him that,” Sara says. “Second of all, you’re lucky I’m telling you anything after that Cinderella joke you pulled yesterday.” She ignores him when he tries to protest. “And third, I didn’t tell you because I ran into him at Hewitt. Where he was studying.”

A beat passes and then, “Oh,” Nate says.

Amaya frowns. “I don’t follow. What does it matter where you saw him?”

“Hewitt’s the general library,” Nate explains. “Which means Prince Cha- _Jax_ – I said Jax! – is probably an undergrad.”

“And?” Amaya asks as she takes a sip of her beer.

“And that’s it,” Nate says. “He’s young.”

She frowns. “I still don't follow. I'm younger than you, Nathaniel.”

“Yeah, but that's different.”

In his defense, Nate seems to realize what he's done the moment the words come out of his mouth. Amaya doesn't seem to care though. “And why exactly would that be different?”

Nate opens his mouth and closes it again. After a beat he says, “There's no right answer here, so I'm just going to shut up.”

“Wise idea,” Amaya says. She looks back to Sara. “Look, you wanted to find this Jax fellow and you did. It isn’t that complicated – either fraternize with him or don’t.”

Sara stares at her for a moment. “Did you just call it _fraternizing_?” she asks and then glances at Nate to makes sure he heard it too.

“She did,” he confirms. And then adds, “It was kind of hot.”

Well, yeah, but Sara’s not about to admit that.

“I mean it,” Amaya continues. “If you like him then what does it matter if he’s a little bit younger than you?”

It should matter, Sara thinks, but can’t actually think of a reason why.

She tries to find one again later that night when she lays in bed staring at the ceiling. She still doesn't find it. Instead, she thinks of Nate and Amaya and their weird but kind of adorable dynamic, of Kendra and everything she gave up to try to be with Carter again, and even of Laurel who went against their dad so she could be with Tommy.

She thinks of Jax with his sweet smile and his ridiculous arms and her stupid not-crush. And then, finally, thinks screw it all, because whatever unwritten rules she’s believed before clearly didn’t work out for her anyways. So she digs out her phone and, three hours later, replies:

_hey_

A minute passes and then another. Sara sighs dramatically and drops her phone on the bed beside her, not sure what exactly she expected. It’s not like he owes her a quick reply, especially not at this hour.

But then, just as she’s about to give up and go to sleep, her phone lights up.

_sup?_

This time Sara doesn’t risk missing a beat. _the ceiling._

 _oh god_ , he writes back immediately, _pls tell me u didnt just say that._

She smiles and thinks, _okay_ , maybe she does have a crush.

 

Sara goes to her mother's book club the next week. She has to, she thinks, in order to discuss the other half of the novel. But then, when they tell her that their next meeting will be over her favorite Joyce Carol Oates book, Sara realizes that this might become a recurring pattern.

She’s pretty sure she's supposed to find this weird – spending her evenings drinking wine and discussing books with a bunch of middle aged women. After all, she left Starling so she could get her life together like everyone else in her age group, not to become like their mothers. But Sara doesn't really care. They're funny and loud and too old to care about whatever polite pretenses they need to front. Plus, they all adore her, which is always nice.

“Sara, darling,” Beverly says one evening when they're paying their bills. “Are you seeing anyone? Because I have a son about your age. I think the two of you might really hit it off.”

It probably means something that the first thing that comes to mind is Jax and the nights they spent texting. She thinks about the time they stayed up all night talking about the Central City Cougars and Victor Stone’s recent position as starting quarterback. And then how Jax brought her coffee at the library the next morning. She thinks about how his smile kind of brightens up the room and how his arms flex when he picks up his bag and how he makes her feel like this when she's supposed to be too old to be having these kinds of silly feelings.

She also thinks about the age difference and how they haven't even been on a date, much less even had a conversation about being exclusive. About how she moved to Central City to get her life together and try something different, and different probably requires her to see more than the first person she clicks with in the city.

Which probably means she should tell Beverly that _no_ , she is not seeing anyone and _sure_ , she can set her up with her son. It could be fun. And it would probably be a good idea to meet people other than her roommates who are actually close to her age.

Instead Sara gives Beverly the most charming grin she can and says, “Beverly, how can you possibly have a son my age when _you're_ practically my age?”

Beverly smacks her arm playfully and laughs, and Sara feels like she dodged a bullet.

 

There are two things constant about Jax's comings and goings in the library. One is that he maintains a pretty strict schedule – Mondays from noon to three, and Tuesdays and Thursdays from four to five-thirty. The other is that he never actually checks out any books.

So one Monday when he breaks the latter rule, Sara thinks something must be up.

He comes to the front desk, walks right past Zari, and goes up to Sara with some engineering book in his hands.

“Hey,” he says as he hands it to her.

“Hey,” she says back. “Finally checking something out? I was beginning to wonder if you actually knew what this place was for.”

He shrugs but grins. “Hewitt doesn't usually have the books I need,” he says. “I actually had a copy of this one, but I leant it to one of my students last year and the little bastard ran off with it."

Sara's head snaps up and she stares at him for a beat and then another, trying to comprehend his words.

 _Play it cool_ , she thinks.

“Your _students_?”

Well, there goes that.

By some stroke of luck, he doesn't notice. That or he just ignores it, but Sara thinks he isn't the type to ignore anything. Instead he sighs dramatically. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those sticklers about TAs calling kids their students,” he says. “‘Cause, look, I know they're technically Dr. Stein's but he and I both know they like me better.”

“Because you’re their TA,” Sara says slowly, everything finally clicking into place. “You're a grad student.”

“Well, yeah? What did ya' think I was?” he asks. But then seems to come to his own realization before Sara can try to cover her tracks. “Hold up. Did you think I was an undergrad?”

“Whaaat?” Sara says dragging the syllables out a bit too long. “Psh. No. I totally knew…”

This time he clearly sees through her and for a second, she thinks he will be offended. Instead, he laughs, full and loud. The sound echoes a bit through the lobby, but nobody seems to notice.

“Well, that explains some stuff,” he says maybe more to himself than her. “Okay, how ‘bout we start over then?” He proposes and holds his hand out to her. “Name’s Jax. I'm a _grad_ _student_ at CCU.”

“Hi, Jax,” she says taking his hand. “I’m Sara. Also a grad student.”

“Sara,” he repeats. There's something about the way he says her name, with this slight emphasis on the last syllable, that makes her smile a little wider. He notices it and smiles back. “My classes are done for the day. When your shift's over, would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?”

She smiles. “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Central City's football team is apparently really the "Cougars." I did not make that up.


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please brush your teeth before and after reading this chapter as I will not be liable for any cavities you may acquire.

Turns out Jax is graduating in May. Which means he is not only a graduate student, he's further in his degree than her. He would have graduated this past May, but his mentor hooked him up with an internship at Thawne Corporation, so he spent a year there, building connections and saving up his pennies. It delayed his graduation process but paid enough that he didn't have to even worry about taking out any student loans.

The rest of his degree he pays for by TA-ing for Professor Martin Stein. Which, he explains as they walk into Jitters, is why Jax hangs out at Hewitt. He holds his office hours for his students there because he thinks it may encourage them to actually go to the library. Figures if he can get them in the habit earlier then it’ll help them in the long run.

“Speaking of,” Jax says when they sit down at a table. He grins at her in this an annoyingly cute smug way. “You really thought I was an undergrad?”

Sara nearly chokes on her chai. “In my defense,” she says trying _very_ hard not to show her embarrassment. “It's been awhile since I did the undergrad thing. And it did seem like you spent a suspicious amount of time at Hewitt.”

“Ya’ know you could’ve just asked me, right?”

Sara snorts. “Yeah, that wouldn't have been weird or anything.”

He raises brow. “The first time I met you, a random white dude clung to you like you were his mother. Then the first time we texted, you told me _the ceiling_ was up,” he says playfully offended. “Snow, I’m clearly willing to put up weird for you.”

She isn't sure which of them is more surprised by that. He coughs a little awkwardly and looks away and takes a sip of his latte. And in that moment, it occurs to her that this thing that they have going on between them is as rushing and surprising for him as it is for her. That he could be in this as deep as her.

She smiles softly.

“I am too,” she says. “For the record.”

He looks back at her, even more surprised. “Yeah?” he asks. She nods. “I'm glad.”

So is she, she thinks.

Jax asks her out to lunch later that week.

They go to this little Thai cafe a couple of blocks from campus. There’s a mix-up in the kitchen and he accidentally gets a dish two spice levels higher than what he ordered, and he doesn’t take offense when Sara laughs at his face when he realizes this. They split an order of mango sticky-rice for dessert and fight over the last bite. He holds the door open for her when they leave and he walks her back to her car. She kisses him, sweet and tender, just before he turns to leave.

She asks him to a movie the following weekend. They split a bucket of popcorn that they finish before the trailers even finish. Half way through the movie, he takes her hand, which she conveniently has on the armrest between them, and she wraps her fingers through his. Afterwards, they make out in her car, hot and heavy, before she drops him home.

And so it goes for a few dates. Until one Saturday evening, when they're walking back to campus, he tells her some kind of joke that makes her laugh. When she stops, she realizes he's giving her this _look_. She asks him what’s up and he tries to brush it off, but then when she pushes ever-so-slightly, he pauses.

“It's just… I know it hasn't been long and it might be kinda early to say this, but I haven't been seeing anyone else. And I'm not gonna. And if that's not where you're at, I get it. But that's where I am. Just so ya’ know.”

She stares at him for a moment, taking his words in. A smile spreads across her lips and she grabs him by the shirt and pulls him to her. She kisses him long and hard, not caring that they're out in public and a little kid is yelling about how gross they are in the background.

“So,” Jax says, his breath hard when he finally pulls back. “Does that mean you're there too?”

“What do you think?” she asks, fists still holding on to his shirt.

He presses his lips together and pretends to hide his smile. “Not sure. Might need a bit more clarification.”

Sara laughs and kisses him again.

 

Needless to say, things get kind of serious between them kind of fast. Which isn't always easy when you're a grad student and school doesn't always leave you time for much else. Fortunately, they get really good at finding creative ways to see each other. Like how Sara finds herself studying late on campus so she can bring Jax coffee after his Monday afternoon class. Or how he starts coming to campus an hour earlier on Thursdays so he can bring her breakfast for her morning library shift.

“It is way too early for you two to be this disgustingly cute,” Zari complains the first few mornings he comes to the library. She usually does it with half squinted eyes while slurping down some sugary iced coffee drink with way too much whip cream.

She only complains the first few times Jax does it because after the second week, he shows up with two breakfast sandwiches – egg and ham for Sara, and egg and cheese for Zari. When she realizes what he's done, Zari's face _almost_ lights up.

“Alright, I’ll concede,” she says after her first bite. “I’m Team Jax.”

He raises a brow. “What you mean _concede_? What other team is there?”

“Yeah, that information is gonna cost you another sandwich,” Zari says, and Sara is pretty sure she's only half joking.

Jax rolls his eyes but brings her another sandwich the following week. Between bites, Zari jokes about some undergrad who once asked Sara where the bathroom was and how Zari is pretty sure she's in love with Sara so Jax better watch out. He grins and thanks Zari for the scoop.

When he leaves for class, Zari tells Sara, “He’s not bad.” Sara thinks it is the closest thing she's heard to a compliment from her. “Though you guys really probably are going to give me a cavity if you keep up with all this gooey sweet stuff first thing in the morning.”

“I'm pretty sure that's the three candy bars you ate.”

“Nah. It's you guys.”

It's a little strange that Zari is the closest thing Sara has to someone in her life to give any sort of thumbs-up to Jax. Though she supposes that could be because not many people in her life know about him, much less of have met him. Other than Zari, there’s only Nate and Amaya. Who are kind of an entirely different story from Zari.

“Oh, so you _do_ live here,” Amaya says one morning Sara comes back to the apartment. She’s sitting at the table in her pajamas, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Like, an actual physical copy of the paper. “I was beginning to wonder.”

“Very funny,” Sara says, dropping her bag on the way to the kitchen.

Amaya smiles. “I take it things are going well for you and Jax if you’re spending the night at his place now.”

Sara rolls her eyes and comes back to the table with a cup of coffee and a granola bar. “Yeah, no,” she says taking a seat. Amaya raises a brow and Sara suddenly realizes how that came out. She shakes her head. “Things are going great with Jax. But I didn’t come home last night because we were up all night. Studying.”

Amaya stares at her for a minute. “Is that some sort of euphemism I’m unaware of?”

“I wish,” she says. “Midterm week. He takes school pretty seriously. Apparently I’m dating the world’s hottest nerd.”

“I don’t know about that,” Amaya says casually. “Nathaniel is fairly nerdy.”

Sara raises a brow. “Are you implying that your nerd is hotter than mine?”

“That would be rather difficult considering I have yet to see your nerd,” she points out. “And no, a dimly lit-bar at one in the morning does not count.”

The way Amaya says it is playful, but there’s something else underneath it. Not judgmental, not even hurt. It almost seems… _curious_. Like she doesn’t understand how she hasn’t seen the guy her roommate has been dating for the past month. Which, okay, fair, is kind of weird. It’s not like Amaya and Nate are her parents. Hell, it’s not even like she’s known them that much longer than Jax. There's no pressure here. After all, she’s met his roommate. It’s really not that big of deal.

Still, the thought of bringing Jax over and formally introducing him to someone causes her shoulders to tighten and she feels something pinch at the base of her neck. She makes herself take a breath and looks down at her coffee cup.

“Not yet,” she says slowly. “It’s… early.”

She leaves it at that. Amaya studies her, lips pursed into a frown. But Sara thinks she gets it because after a beat, she nods. “It’s your life, Sara,” she says simply. Still, there’s something about it that sounds like it’s supposed to be a reminder.

Sara isn’t sure what to make of that.

She doesn’t get much of a chance to unpack it though. Footsteps patter down the hallway and a moment later, Nate sticks his head in the room and says, “Is that Sara I hear?” He grins like a kid when he sees her. “You came home!” he says it like it’s been ages since he last saw her and they hadn’t ridden to campus together two days ago.

She rolls her eyes but smiles. “Just to shower and change. I have a midterm,” she says and then pauses. It’s her last one. “I’ll be home for dinner though. I can pick up that Indian place?” she offers, glancing between him and Amaya.

“Sounds good to me,” Amaya says as she gets up and takes her dishes to the sink.

Nate nods excitedly. “We can do dinner and a movie. Raiders of the Lost Arc?”

Sara wrinkles her nose and grabs her bag. She looks at Amaya. “I don't know about hotter, but yours is definitely nerdier.”

Nate looks between them. “Should I be offended?”

“Probably,” Amaya says with a smile before she kisses him.

 

Jax does this thing where he insists that they go on a date at least once a week. And not like a study date or a quick lunch or coffee on campus. A real, actual date where they go to a place and do a thing together. They take turns planning and paying for them.

Unfortunately, they’re still grad students, which means money can be pretty tight sometimes. Yeah, sure, she still has some saved from her bartending days and he has a bit of internship money stashed away, but she thinks they’re both too smart to seriously consider dipping into that for a few nicer dates. Besides, the whole point is for them to do a thing together at a place. They don’t necessarily need a lot of money to do that.

Which, actually, becomes part of the problem. Because it somehow turns into this competition to see who can come up with the better date on a budget. Picnics, museums, free concerts at parks – they get pretty good at finding creative things to do.

The Thursday after midterms, Jax calls and tells her to make sure she's dressed comfortably for their date and that he'll pick her up. The first part isn't surprising, but the latter makes Sara think something has to be up, because Jax never drives them anywhere. They usually walk because most of the places they go to are near one of their apartments or campus. If they need to drive, it's usually Sara who does it because she's got this thing about being in control, which Jax knows. So something has to be up.

When they pull up, Sara thinks they have to be making a quick pit stop. Because this place looks suspiciously like,

“A skate park?” she asks as she gets out of the car.

“Yup,” he says as he walks around to the back of the car and opens the trunk. It's a Thursday night so most of the high school kids aren't even there. They have practically the whole park to themselves. “What?” he asks playfully as he pulls a board and a helmet out of the trunk of his car and holds them out to her. “You said you used to be into this kinda stuff.”

“Yeah,” Sara says as she takes the helmet from him. “I also told you I was seventeen and trying to impress a girl,” she reminds him.

“Well, I may not be seventeen,” he says as he drops his board on the floor and steps on it before it can roll away. “But I am trying to impress a girl. Is it working?”

She steps on her board and finds her balance. It feels familiar but still a bit shaky – nothing a few minutes of practice won't help. Jax puts his helmet on and clicks the straps together.

“That depends,” she answers.

“On?”

She smirks. “If you can keep up,” she says before kicking off towards the park.

“Aw, hell no. Cheater!” he calls as he chases after her.

Sara tosses her head back laughs. The sound echoes through the park.

They spend the next few hours like that – laughing and chasing and trying to figure out cool tricks to impress each other. She thinks it might be the single cutest date she's ever been on. Even after Jax falls off his board while trying to record Sara doing a kickflip. He completely eats it and he'll have a few bruises in the morning, but it's nothing serious. Still, it's enough for them to decide that they should maybe call it a night on the skateboarding.

Besides, Sara thinks as she pulls Jax into the backseat of his car, there are other ways to spend the rest of their date.

She climbs on his lap and straddles him with her knees on either side of his hips. His hands grip at her waist, his fingers dancing just underneath her shirt. She grabs the sides of his face and pulls him into a long, hard kiss, which leaves him breathless. Sara smirks before she pulls her shirt over her head and tosses it aside.

“Well, damn,” he says, as his hands move up from her waist. “It's like that?”

She laughs. “It's like that,” she says, as her hands find their way up the bottom of his shirt. Jax seems to take it as a challenge and Sara gasps when his lips find this spot in the middle of her chest, right along the edges of her bra. “Tell me you have a condom,” she says half breathless, her hands reaching down and fumbling with his belt buckle.

He stops, his face still half buried in her. He takes a breath before he pulls back and his hands catch hers. With a heavy voice, he says, “Hey, hold on a minute.”

Her head jerks up. She looks at him and he has this half-solemn, half-frustrated look on his face. Which is pretty much all she needs to immediately roll off and onto the seat beside him.

“Sara…”

She shakes her head, grabs her shirt off the floor, and finds it tangled up in itself. The sleeves somehow got twisted around the waist and she can't get seem to figure out how to handle it. She half considers throwing it against the wall, saying screw it, and just letting Jax drive her home like this.

Tentatively, he takes the shirt from her, straightens it out, and hands it back. She pulls it over her head as quickly as she can.

“Snow, listen…”

“It's fine,” she says softly. “If you don't want to then that's all there is to it.”

“Oh, trust me,” he says, reaching for her face. He stops at the last second, almost as if he’s unsure if he’s allowed to touch her. Which is so ironic that Sara almost wants to laugh. “I want to,” he tells her. “Like, _really_ want to. In fact, there is probably nothing I want more right now.”

She frowns. “Then why did you–"

“Because I don't want it to happen like this,” he says. “Not now when we're still half-exhausted and recovering from midterms. And not in my car, of all places. It…” he pauses and she thinks that there may be another reason why he's so flushed. “It oughta be special.”

Oh.

He frowns. “You're disappointed.”

“No,” she says way too quickly. His frown deepens. “Okay, yeah, I was hoping to get a little further tonight,” she admits. “But that's not it. I'm just… surprised.”

“Good surprised or bad surprised?”

His voice is almost tender when he asks. Like he's genuinely worried about her reaction or that she may not want this to be special. And it suddenly occurs to her how much this could mean to him. How much they mean to him. Because this is moving quick – maybe quicker than anything either of them have experienced before – and that's scary. Because falling fast means risking getting hurt fast. Means risking losing this even faster.

Sara gets it. More than she thinks she even realized before then.

So she leans over and kisses him tenderly. She rests her forehead against his and smiles as the tip of his nose pushes against hers. “Good surprised,” she promises. “We can wait until it's the right time. However long.”

He smiles and kisses the side of her mouth, silently thanking her. But after a beat, he playfully adds, “Well, hopefully not _too_ long.”

Sara laughs and thinks _yeah_ , this is definitely the cutest date she's ever been on.

 

Before every book club meeting, Sara and Dinah make dinner plans for seven. Sara usually shows up at seven-fifteen and Dinah never says anything about it. Until one evening when Sara shows up ten minutes earlier. And the following week when she shows up ten minutes earlier than that.

It's kind of a strange feeling, rebuilding her relationship with her mom. Filling her in on all the gaps Dinah missed out on after she left them. It isn't always easy. There are certain things about those missing years that neither of them are willing to bring up. And there are times when lines almost get crossed and Sara has to bite her tongue even though she wants to go off.

But then there are times when they laugh so hard that they start crying. When they get so into a conversation that the time flies by and it's ten minutes past the time their meeting was supposed to start. There are times Sara is so happy seeing her mother that she almost feels like she's fifteen again.

She almost tells Laurel about it once. She really has every intention of telling her about it. Because it's nothing to hide. Dinah is their mother – Sara has every right to have a relationship with her if she wants. Even if Laurel doesn't want that relationship.

Then Laurel mentions their dad and how he and Laurel went to a meeting together earlier in the week. And talking about how Sara and Dinah get together for dinner and drinks feels like some kind of betrayal.

But not enough for her to stop.

“Do you want to have lunch on Saturday?” Dinah asks her one Tuesday evening.

Sara’s looks up from her burger, confused. “Any special occasion?” she asks and nearly kicks herself when Dinah looks vaguely hurt. She opens her mouth to apologize but Dinah hides the look and continues before Sara has the chance to say anything.

“I am almost done grading my midterms,” she explains. “I want to celebrate. Maybe we can go shopping afterwards?”

Sara shakes her head. “I can’t. I already made plans for Saturday afternoon,” she explains. Dinah nods and forces a smile, and something inside of Sara suddenly feels very heavy. So, without stopping to think about it, she says, “I can do breakfast. If you can wake up in the morning.”

Dinah’s face brightens up immediately. “Breakfast sounds wonderful,” she says. Then asks, “What are you doing Saturday?”

“I am going to the game,” Sara says as nonchalantly as she can.

“Game?” Dinah asks, brows furred. “Oh! You mean the football game. I didn't know you were still into that. I thought you swore off sports when that cheerleader – what was her name? Kandi? – broke up with you?”

“Kori,” Sara corrects her. “That lasted a year or two. I watch some stuff here and there. But, uh, this time I'm going because I... have a date,” she pauses and then adds, “I’m sort of seeing someone.”

It’s the first time Sara’s said it like: she’s seeing someone. Nate and Amaya, and even Zari never asked her if she and Jax became exclusive. She figures they all just sort of assumed they were after so long. (Which surprisingly doesn’t bother Sara as much as she thought it would.)

It’s also the first time she’s told someone from her family about it, which is the really weird part. She had planned to tell Laurel first, or at least mention that she had met someone, but the right moment never really came up. Part of Sara considered just dropping it on her – _oh hey sis. just an fyi i met a dude at a bar and now we’re together. how’s work?_ – but never followed through on the thought.

And Laurel’s the person she’s supposed to tell first, Sara knows. They always tell each other these kinds of things first – that’s how they’ve operated since they were teenagers and Laurel made out with that Ted guy from their boxing classes.

But, sitting there, talking to Dinah, Sara thinks back to the time she was twelve and told her mom that she kissed Oliver under the big oak at the park.

Dinah smiles. “Oh?” she says in this way that she probably meant to sound surprised, but isn’t at all.

Sara stares at her for a beat and then another. “You _know_? How?”

Dinah rolls her eyes. “Darling, you aren’t nearly as subtle as you think you are are. Do you remember when you were sixteen and you tried to convince us that Lindsay girl was just your friend?”

Sara remembers. Lindsay’s dad got a job offer they couldn’t pass up so her whole family moved away two weeks after Sara kissed a girl for the first time. The time her parents wouldn’t let Sara spend the night at Lindsay’s house would have been the last time Sara saw her. She hated her parents for not letting her go.

Not that she was able to be mad about it for long. A week after that, Dinah packed up her bags, sat Sara and Laurel down, and told them she was leaving. And then Sara had a whole other mess of reasons to be mad.

“Sorry, I know I’m a little early,” Beverly says as she walks up. She pauses and looks between them before she slowly asks, “Am I interrupting?”

“Not at all,” Dinah says gesturing for her to sit down. “Sara was just telling me about her Saturday plans.”

Sara shakes herself out of her head. “Nice try, but I’m not telling you who I’m dating,” she says firmly. “It’s too early for that.” One step at a time.

“You can’t blame a mother for trying,” Dinah says. “Will you at least give me a pronoun for conversation’s sake? Or should I neutrally refer to them as ‘the person my daughter spends her nights with’?”

She pauses and bites her lip. After a moment of considering it, she shrugs. “He’s a guy.” Which is really all she needs to say. Dinah didn’t ask for anything else and Sara doesn’t owe her any more information than that. Still, she adds, “But we haven’t slept together. Yet. He’s… romantic.”

Sara's met with silence.

After a few beats, Beverly grins brightly. “Now _that_ sounds like a good man,” she declares.

Dinah doesn’t say anything, but she studies Sara for a moment before she smiles in this sweet, almost approving way. Which shouldn’t matter, because Sara doesn’t need her approval. Isn't even fully sure she wants it.

It feels nice have it though.

 

It rained the night Kendra decided she was going to run away to be with Carter.

Sara remembers that because the local news station had predicted they would have completely sunny skies, an annoyingly rare event in Starling. It was her day off too. She and Kendra had made plans to go run at the park, get a quick bite to eat, and then buy groceries for the week. It was supposed to be a nice, calm, relaxing day. And it was.

At least until Carter showed up at their doorstep to tell Kendra that he was on his way to catch a flight. That he got a job offer in Metropolis and he was going to take it, but he didn't tell her because he didn't want to disrupt her life any more than he already had. He kissed her on the head and told her that he would always love her.

And then he left.

And Kendra stood there, a pile of confused emotions held together by a pair of leggings and a sports bra for fifteen minutes. And Sara would almost swear that in the sixteenth minute, something snapped inside Kendra.

Sara drove her to the airport where she kissed the man she loved in the rain like she was in a freaking movie and promised him she would follow him. And she did.

She left.

And Sara stayed behind.

Sometimes when she thinks about the day her mom left, she remembers it raining.

To be honest, she doesn't even remember if that really happened or not now. She could probably ask Laurel – Laurel remembers things like that with painstaking detail. She could probably tell Sara the exact day of the week it was and what the weather was like and what everyone in the room was wearing and what they ate for dinner. Sometimes Sara is good about remembering those things too. If she wants to remember. If she makes herself remember.

It doesn't rain in Central City. At least not like it does in Starling.

In Central City the sun shines even when it rains. Parks are more crowded than gyms and children play in their front yards. People do things like hold the doors open for each other and smile at strangers they make eye contact with. Central City is light and fun and happy. It's supposed to be better. And Sara likes Central City. Really, she does.

She likes her roommates and her mom's book club and her shifts at the library, and especially not having to wonder if she's going to get caught in a storm. She likes going on ridiculous dates with Jax and how he still calls her “Snow" and the way he smiles when he tells her she’s beautiful.

But...

Sometimes, even though the sky is blue and the birds are chirping and the sun is shining down bright on her, it still kind of feels like Sara is trapped in the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is growing at an incredible rate. The next couple of chapters are going to reference the holidays. 
> 
> Virtual cookies for anyone who can pinpoint where I got the idea for the skateboard date.


	4. four

Waking up early on Saturday turns out to be surprisingly hard. Despite going to bed early and getting a full night’s sleep, she wakes up fully exhausted, not even sure why she is awake. Once she remembers, she still considers calling her mom to cancel – maybe they could get dinner or something after the game – but eventually decides against it.

Sara washes up, puts her hair in a ponytail, and throws on her CCU hoodie, the only university-related thing she owns. There’s no coffee in the kitchen when she gets there, which means Nate and Amaya are (surprisingly) still asleep. She brews a full pot and, with a smirk, leaves a sticky note on the machine that says _late night?_ before she takes her cup and leaves.

But once she gets in her car, she realizes she has no idea where she’s going. She tries to remember the last time she went to her mom’s apartment, and only vaguely remembers the one time she and Ollie went to see her when they were in the city seeing some of his friends. And even though Sara knows that it’s because she always meets Dinah on Tuesdays at the cafe, a twinge of guilt still hits her.

Almost as if she could sense it, Dinah sends her a text with her address. _Overslept. Take your time, darling._

Sara almost laughs and plugs the address into her phone. _on my way. ten minutes._

Of course Dinah is still scrambling to get ready when Sara gets there. She lets Sara in and tells her to make herself at home before she runs back to the bathroom.

The apartment looks vaguely like that Sara remembers – a one bedroom with the living room converted into an office that is mostly just a desk covered in an array of papers. Everything about the apartment, from the desk covered in papers to the dining table stacked up with books to the pile of clean dishes Dinah apparently never bothered to put up, is systematically erratic. It’s a bit strange seeing the place so chaotic yet organized. Not because it doesn’t suit Dinah, because everything about the apartment does. But because it doesn’t really resembles what she remembers their house looking like when she was a kid. Then again, her dad was always the more neat and organized one. It was the one consistency after the divorce.

She thinks she really needs to stop coming back to that.

“Sara, darling, my purse is in the office. Can you get my lipstick out of it?”

She shakes her head but calls back, “Sure.”

It takes her a few minutes to find the purse because it’s in her chair, which is tucked under the desk. Only the purse is open and half tipped over, so when Sara pulls the chair out, half of the contents fall out. She sighs dramatically as she crouches down and grabs all the fallen objects. But she pauses when she grabs a pharmacy pill bottle. She stares at the label, but doesn’t recognize the name.

After a beat, she snaps out of it and wonders what exactly she’s doing staring at her mother’s prescriptions. She shakes her head, drops the bottle in her purse, and stands up. She digs out the black tube of lipstick, but when she turns around, Dinah is standing there with a soft, almost sad, smile.

“Fluoxetine,” she says as Sara hands her the lipstick. “It’s Prozac.”

Sara purses her lips. “Isn’t that an–”

“An antidepressant, yes.” Dinah nods. “I’ve been meaning to tell you for some time now, but I wasn't sure if we were ready for that kind of talk.” The way she says it so tentatively makes Sara think that maybe Dinah wasn't ready to talk about it.

“You don’t have to tell me. It’s none of my business.”

Dinah frowns and, for a split second, she almost looks broken. “You’re my daughter, Sara. Of course it's your business,” she says softly. “I should have told you sooner. Then maybe you wouldn’t feel that way.”

Sara thinks she shouldn’t feel guilty about that, but she does. She shakes her head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant we don’t have to talk about it now, if you don’t want. We can wait until you’re sure we’re ready.” Until she’s sure she’s ready.

A small, genuine smile brushes against Dinah’s lips. She takes a step forward and hugs Sara gently. “You always were good to me,” she says.

 _You always understood me_ , she means.

There's something to unpack there, but Sara doesn't think she's ready for that just yet.

Dinah goes back to the bathroom with her lipstick to finish getting ready. She calls out to Sara while she does, and tells her about this cafe a few miles away that has the best waffles she's ever had and fairly good mimosas. Both of which sound amazing right now.

While she waits, Sara tries to distract herself by looking around the apartment some more. There isn't much else there, but there are a few photographs hanging on the walls. Most of them are old pictures of Sara and Laurel – the most recent being from Laurel's wedding a few years back – and few pictures from Dinah’s various sabbaticals. But the one that gets Sara's attention is the photo of Dinah and Beverly holding up a large turkey.

It doesn’t really surprise her to see that Dinah was with Beverly. She remembers Dinah calling her to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving and telling her that she was spending the day with a friend’s family. Sara had been working a shift at the bar and had missed the call, and listened to the voicemail at three a.m. when it was too late to call her back. By the time she remembered two days later, they had moved on from small-talk about Thanksgiving to small-talk about holiday shopping.

Still, seeing Dinah with Beverly helps dull the guilt she felt about not taking her mom’s call. At least now she knows for sure Dinah had a good holiday. Which is a lot more than can be said for Sara who spent the next few days cursing all of humanity over the shitty customers she dealt with that weekend.

Sara shakes her head, and is just about to ask Dinah how much longer she’s going to be when something in the background of the picture catches her attention. She stares at it for a minute, and then another, convinced that she has to be seeing things. She even looks away, blinks a few times, and looks back. But the picture doesn’t change.

“Hey, mom,” she calls, her fingers tracing over the person in the background. “What’s Beverly's last name?”

“Jackson. Why?”

Oh. _God_.

 

Sara’s breakfast with her mom turns into brunch, so she texts Jax to let him know that she’ll meet him at the stadium instead of at his apartment. Even then she cuts it close, and she runs up to the gate a few minutes before the game is supposed to start. Jax is standing there, talking to a blonde teenager, when she shows up.

“Sorry, I’m late,” she says.

His face lights up when he sees her and he opens his arm out to her. Sara slides in next to him and smiles when he kisses her head. “You good,” he says before he glances back up. “Betty, this is my girlfriend, Sara,” he tells the girl. “Sara, this is Betty. She’s one of my students.”

Betty’s expression flickers from surprise to disappoint to a smile Sara’s fairly sure is faked. Still, Betty holds out her hand to her. “Nice to meet you,” she says cheerfully. “You look familiar. Aren’t you the librarian?”

“Something like that,” Sara answers vaguely.

Betty nods at Sara before she looks back at Jax. “Thanks for the help. I’ll try out what you said, and if I don’t get it, I’ll come to your office hours on Monday.”

“Cool. I’ll be there.”

When Betty leaves to meet up with her friends, Sara looks up at him and smiles. “You really enjoy this whole teaching thing, don’t you?”

He tries to brush it off with a shrug, but smiles back. “Yeah, I kinda do.”

“You’re good at it.”

“Yeah? You can tell that by an introduction?” he jokes.

“I can tell by how your student talks to you,” she says. “No one goes out of their way to talk to a bad TA about school at a football game.” She pauses then adds, “Though it probably doesn’t hurt that she has a crush on you.” He rolls his eyes dramatically and Sara grins. “Uh-huh. Don’t think I didn’t notice you being extra affectionate in front of her. Real subtle there.”

Jax wrinkles his nose. “I’m not into undergrads. But I can hook you up since that’s your type and all.”

“Shut up,” she says, shoving him playfully.

He laughs and kisses her temple. “Come on,” he says, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, “Let’s go. Game’s started.”

Going to the Keystone-CCU game is Jax's idea. Which kind of surprised Sara, because he once told her hasn't been back to the stadium since he was twenty and got cut from the team. He still watches all of the games – she’s not sure he could stop if he tried – but usually at his apartment or a bar. Being at the stadium hits too close to home.

Jax pretty vague about the details on the rare moments he brings them up, which is enough for her to tell that he doesn’t like talking about it. Still, Sara has a general idea of what went down: he used to play, worked really hard, and got pretty good. Good enough to start his sophomore year, and maybe good enough to get drafted after a year or two of college ball. Except then he got hurt, couldn't play, and lost his spot. And his scholarship.

That last part worked out in the end. He was already at the top of his class, so Dr. Stein was able to help him find another scholarship. Without practice and games, he poured all his energy into school and got even better. Got into CCU’s graduate program and got that internship with Eobard Thawne. But before that second scholarship, there was a minute there where he thought he lost everything.

Sometimes Sara wonders if he still feels like that.

Today is one of those times.

It starts out okay. On their way in, they get stopped by a ton of people who know Jax. By the time they get to their seats, the first quarter is already half way done, and Sara thinks she must have met half of his students and at least a third of his undergraduate class. He grins when she teases him about being so popular, but doesn’t get a chance to respond because the quarterback connects with a wide receiver for a thirty-yard catch and the crowd, including Sara and Jax, erupts in cheers.

Halfway through the second quarter, she notices his leg fidgeting. When she bumps her shoulder against his and asks him, he stops, kisses her cheek, and promises her that he’s fine. At halftime she gets them overpriced but lukewarm beers, and he all but chugs his down. Which is probably a bad sign, but it calms his fidgeting so she pretends to be disgusted by hers (not hard) and makes him take it. He gives her this look like he knows what she’s doing, but drinks it anyways. And it helps.

At least until three minutes into the third quarter when Central City’s defense gets through Keystone’s o-line and pummels their quarterback.

Jax tenses up immediately and, for a second, his eyes clench shut. She reaches over and brushes her hand over his, which sparks something because he jumps up. Most of the crowd is already up cheering, so no one else seems to notice him. But when he snaps out of it, Sara stands up, takes his hand, and leads him out of the stadium and to her car.

“Sorry,” he says as she pulls out of the parking lot. “I kinda ruined our date.”

Sara shrugs even though she knows he’s looking out the window and not at her. “This doesn’t even rank in the top five worst dates I’ve been on,” she says. He snorts, but doesn’t say anything else. After a beat, she asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” he says as she takes the ramp up the highway. She doesn’t even know where she’s going, but she figures anywhere is better than here. “I’d rather you distract me: how was breakfast with your mom?”

For a moment, she considers telling him about the anti-depressants, but stops before she can even articulate the words. Dinah wasn’t ready to tell her – it isn’t fair for Sara to tell anyone else, even Jax.

“It was... interesting.”

He finally looks away from the window and to her. “Good interesting or bad interesting?”

“Don’t know yet,” she admits. “But I learned a lot. Actually, that reminds me of something I wanted to ask. Does your mom know about me?”

He pauses then nods slightly. “Yeah. Well, kind of. She knows that I’m seeing someone... And that she's great and I’m real into her.”

“Smooth.”

“I thought so,” he grins. Then adds, “I haven’t told her any details though.” Sara smiles, not surprised but kind of relieved that they’re on the same page. “Why?”

“Because there’s a picture of you in my mom’s apartment.”

A beat passes. Then another.

“What?”

She grins. “Apparently she spent Thanksgiving with you guys last year.”

Jax’s brows fur and Sara thinks she can actually see him piecing everything together. Vaguely, she wonders if she looked this amusing this morning. “ _Dinah_? That’s your mom?”

“Yeah,” she says. “We have different last names, so I'm not surprised you didn't know.”

“Wait. Does that mean when you meet your mom on Tuesdays, you are–”

“Yeah…” she nods. And before he can ask, she says, “Beverly never told me her last name. Or her son’s name. But she did try to set me up with you. Insisted we would hit it off.”

Jax sighs. “Of course she did,” he says in this defeated way that makes Sara wonder exactly how often Beverly tries this. “Hold up,” he says suddenly and dramatically. “Does that mean you turned down a date with me? Snow, that hurts.”

She rolls her eyes, but grins. “Yes, because I had my eye on this cute undergrad and I wasn't particularly interested in meeting anyone else.”

He stares at her for a moment. “Yeah?” he asks. Sara nods. He smiles gently. “I wasn't either. For the record.”

It’s kind of funny how things like this keep happening, she thinks as she takes his hand, wrapping her fingers through his. How they keep stumbling onto all this new information about each other. It makes sense, because for as in-sync as they are, for how much she and Jax just seem to connect and fit together, they haven’t actually been together that long. She knows that.

But sometimes it still surprises her, because she forgets that this is only the beginning and there is so much more coming for them.

It’s… exciting.

 

Thanksgiving was a big deal at the Lance Family Home when Sara was a kid. School was out for a whole week for Laurel and Sara, and even Dinah had a lull between midterms and finals. Quentin and Laurel would spend the whole day cooking the meal and baking pumpkin pies, while Dinah and Sara would pull all the Christmas decorations out of the attic. When the food was ready and the house was decorated, Sara and Laurel would put on the new dresses they bought with Dinah earlier in the week. After dinner, they would drive around the neighborhood and see what houses had begun to put their lights up.

Quentin tried to keep the tradition up the year Dinah left, but it wasn't the same. The decorations were too much for Sara to do alone, and she felt awkward and out of place with Quentin and Laurel in the kitchen. After dinner, Sara told Quentin she was going Black Friday shopping with a friend from school. Instead, she went to Ollie's place where they stole a bottle of vodka from his parents’ cellar and got drunk watching Harry Potter reruns in his room.

Laurel went off to college the following year and spent Thanksgiving at a friend’s house.

They just sort of stopped trying after that. Eventually Laurel married Tommy, and Quentin met someone else, and they found their own, new Thanksgiving traditions. And Sara just sort of shuffled around between friends and shifts at the bar.

So one Tuesday evening when Beverly asks, “Sara, are you going home for Thanksgiving?” it takes her a moment to realize that “home” means Starling and not her apartment.

Once she does, she shakes her head. “No. I told Dad and Laurel that I'd be home next month.”

She thinks there's no point in going when there's no one to go home to in Starling. Quentin spends Thanksgiving in Las Vegas with his new wife’s family. Laurel and Tommy spend it skiing in Quebec, avoiding having to spend any unnecessary time with Tommy's father. And it’s not even like she has Kendra there anymore.

Beverly grins. “Good, then you can come to dinner at our house.”

Her eyes widen, “I don't kn–” she starts to say, but doesn't get to finish because Beverly takes off, refusing to take no as an answer.

Dinah gives her this smile that is somewhere between sympathetic and amused. “She makes this amazing pecan pie,” she says. “I swear her son ate a whole pie by himself last year.”

That… doesn't help.

Sara needs to talk to Jax about this. As soon as she says goodbye to Dinah and starts to walk home, she reaches for her phone and almost calls him. She pauses at the last second when she remembers that he has a test in the morning and is with his study group all night. And the thing is, she doesn’t think Jax would want her to not tell him this.

But she also doesn’t see why it can’t wait until after he finishes his big test.

Yeah, it turns out sitting on something like this is a lot harder than she expected. Fortunately, Jax spends most of his free time during the day cramming for his test, so she doesn’t have to try to avoid the topic in person. Other than a few texts, she doesn’t see him all day.

_going in now. wish me luck._

_you don’t need luck. you got this_ , she writes back.

He doesn’t answer, but she doesn’t really expect one. She has an hour left in her shift, and there’s an hour and a half left until Jax finishes.

“What’s wrong with you?” Zari asks as she opens a bag of very loud chips. “Usually you’re all gross and smiley when you look at your phone.”

Sara raises a brow. “I’m _not_ gross and smiley,” she says. Zari doesn’t say anything, just gives her a look like she doesn’t believe her. Sara stares back at her before she eventually says, “Shut up.”

Zari snorts before she pops a chip in her mouth. But she keeps looking at Sara, like she’s waiting for her to answer her question. Sara pauses and debates whether or not she should say anything about it. Because, on the one hand, she hasn’t even had a chance to talk to Jax about it and that should probably take priority. But, on the other hand, Zari probably is the closest thing she has to an unbiased opinion. It might help put things in perspective.

She sighs. “I was invited to Thanksgiving at his house. And I don’t know if I should go. We haven’t exactly done the whole ‘meet the family’ thing yet.”

“Wait,” Zari says slowly. “He hasn't introduced you to his family yet? Wow. With how disgustingly cute you two are, I thought for sure you would be best friend with his mom by now.”

Sara… decides she's not going to respond to that last part. “You don’t think it’s a bit early for this? Holidays are kind of a big deal.”

Zari shrugs and pops another chip in her mouth. “I don’t see what the big deal is,” she says between bites. “Isn’t being happy the whole point of holidays? If being around him makes you happy then be around him.”

A beat passes and then, “That’s actually really good advice.”

“I know,” Zari says. “Plus,” she adds, “If his family cooks like him, then food alone seems like a good enough reason to go.”

She laughs, because she does have a point.

After their shift ends, she goes to the library coffee shop and picks up a coffee for Jax, a chai for herself, and a pastry for Zari. Zari spends the whole time in line complaining about how chai lattes are not really chai. But wishes Sara good luck as she bites into her pastry.

Sara makes it to Jax’s class a few minutes before he comes out so exhausted that he almost doesn’t see her. And, for a moment, she wonders if she should put it off until he gets some sleep. But then he notices her and a smile spreads across her lips.

“You are my hero,” he says as she hands him his coffee. He takes it and gives her a quick kiss. “Seriously.”

“Well, I have an ulterior motive,” she admits. “We need to talk about something.”

He frowns. “Everything okay?” he asks in this way that makes her think he’s mentally running through all the worst possibilities.

“I think so,” she says. “Did you tell your mom about me? Like, my name or that I'm Dinah’s daughter?”

“No,” he says, clearly confused. “I thought we decided to hold off on that?”

“We did. I just wanted to make sure. Because last night your mom invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner.”

Jax pauses. “Oh,” he says. “What did you say?”

“She didn't really give me much of a chance to say anything. She said it and then just sort of walked off.”

“Yeah, that sounds like her,” he says, half amused. Then, almost tentatively, asks, “So are you coming?”

Sara hesitates. “It’s your family's dinner, Jax. I don't want to overstep if you don't want me around.” If that's not where they are yet.

“Snow,” he says softly. He catches her chin with this fingers and tilts her head up to him. He smiles gently. “I always want you around.”

Which is kind of the last thing she expects him to say. It definitely isn't the answer she’s looking for, because she still isn’t sure she's ready for this meeting his whole family thing. Being introduced as his girlfriend to everyone he loves. Because that's a lot, especially at this stage.

Still, she knows he means it when he says he wants her around. Her cheeks burn a little and she doesn't try to stop the smile. Vaguely, Sara thinks this is what Zari meant by doing what makes her happy. “Yeah?” she asks.

“Yeah,” he says. “So come. We don't have to tell them about us yet. Dinah came last year – no one’s gonna bat an eye when her hot daughter comes this year,” he says. He pauses and then adds, “Well, a couple of my cousins might, but that’ll be for different reasons.”

“I can handle a few cousins,” she says with a grin as he wraps his arm around her.

“I don’t doubt that,” he says. “Oh, and by the way, Sara: you can’t just roll up on a guy and say _we need to talk_. Do you have any idea what ya’ did to me there?”

Sara laughs and kisses him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got too long so I had to split it in half. 
> 
> Also, I have officially lost control of this fic. I no longer know how long this story will be. At least three more chapters, but potentially five. Because, again, I have lost control.


	5. five

Sara wakes up Thanksgiving morning to see Jax smiling at her. She closes her eyes and buries her face in the pillow. “You’re being creepy,” she teases.

He frowns. “I was admiring how beautiful you look. It’s _romantic_ ,” he says. She snorts, but smiles. He leans forward and kisses her cheek. “I just woke up too. Maybe a few seconds before you,” he explains. “But you really do look beautiful.”

“Suck up,” she says and peers one eye open. He grins and nods, this time kissing the edge of her jawline as his arm wraps around her waist. She smirks, but just before she can make a move, she catches a glimpse of the clock by his nightstand. “Jax,” she hisses, jumping up and practically over him to get off the bed. “It’s _ten-thirty_!”

“Shit!” he curses, rolling out of bed as she grabs her bag, not even caring that half her things are still sprawled over his floor.

Jax follows her down the hall to let her out of the apartment. But she pauses the right before her fingers touch the doorknob and she thinks _what the hell_. She drops her bag, spins around, and kisses him, long and sweet.

Her fingers curl around the sides of his head and she smiles as she pulls back. “Figured I’d get that out of my system before dinner.”

He grins. “Then you’re better than me, ‘cause there’s no getting _that_ outta my system,” he says, kissing her forehead. Then wrinkles his nose and adds, “Though that morning breath is helping.”

“Jerk,” she laughs, shoving his shoulder. He grins and gives her another peck before she grabs her bag and leaves.

Fortunately, Dinah texts her to tell Sara she’s running late, which gives her just enough time to shower before she changes into this purple flowy dress she bought for one of Laurel and Tommy’s lunch parties. Her hair’s still a mess by the time she finishes with her little makeup, so she puts it into a single braid before she throws on her favorite leather jacket and the black heels she stole from Kendra last New Year’s Eve.

Dinah pulls up to the apartment just as Sara gets her second shoe on. When Sara gets in the car, Dinah’s on the phone telling Beverly that they’re almost there.

It takes them another twenty minutes to get to the house.

Beverly opens the door with an annoyed frown. Dinah gives her a sheepish smile and holds up a bottle of wine. Beverly makes a dramatic show of rolling her eyes, but grins and takes the wine before she lets Dinah in.

“Jefferson, get their coats. I need to check on my pies,” Beverly says as she leaves before Sara even finishes walking through the door.

Dinah grins and hugs him. “How are you, Jefferson? Are you still doing that fancy internship or are you back in school?”

“I’m back. For now at least. I’ll be done in May,” he says.

“Good for you,” Dinah says as she pulls back. “Oh, and this is my daughter, Sara.”

Dinah says something else, but Sara doesn’t quite catch it. Because when Dinah steps away from Jax, Sara finally gets a look at him, dressed in dark blue button-up shirt with a black tie, and, well, _yeah_ … You can’t blame a girl for getting distracted.

“You can call me Jax,” he says, holding his hand out in this way that causes his arm to flex slightly.

She takes his hand and tries _very_ hard to not be obvious. “Sara.”

Dinah doesn’t say anything, but glances from Sara to Jax back to Sara. After a beat, she presses her lips together like she’s trying to hold back laughter. “Okay,” Dinah says almost too simply. It’s only then, a beat too late, that Sara realizes Jax is still holding her hand. But by the time she pulls it back, Dinah's already turned to leave.

Jax peers around the corner to make sure Dinah’s gone before he looks back at Sara with a raised brow. “You told her?”

Sara shakes her head as she pulls her jacket off. Jax takes it from her and hangs it in the closet. “I think she _might_ have just figured it out.” Not that she’s that surprised. Dinah always had a way of reading Sara. “Which means she’s is going to be watching us. Which means we need to get going before she starts wondering what’s taking us so long.”

“Hold on,” he says, catching her hand before she can make it more than a few steps. She turns halfway towards him and raises a brow. Before she can even ask, he smiles in this way that makes her toes curl and says, “You look beautiful. Just so ya’ know.”

“Yeah?” she asks. He nods. “You don't look half bad yourself.”

His smile goes from sweet to smug. “Oh, _I_ know. Figured that one out when you checked me out in front of your mom.”

Sara thinks she needs to get better about this subtlety thing.

Before she has the chance to tell him to shut up, a woman from the other room calls out, “Jefferson! Where are you?”

He grins at Sara. “Coming, Gran!” he calls back. “Let’s go,” he says to Sara as he finally lets go of her hand, “I’ll introduce you to everyone.” He pauses then says a little louder, “You said your name was Sara, right?”

She bites back a laugh. “Yeah. That’s me.”

 

Meeting her boyfriend’s family while pretending to not know him has to be one of the weirdest Thanksgiving experiences Sara has ever had. And that includes the time she missed dinner with Nyssa’s dad because Ollie wasn’t ready to come out to his parents and needed Sara to pretend to be his girlfriend again, _and_ the time she somehow got roped into dinner with Kendra, Carter, and Carter’s entire family.

Yeah, Thanksgiving isn’t exactly her holiday.

That said, it’s a little relieving to not have to worry about impressing them yet. She still tries though, and she thinks she does a pretty good job. She talks football with his aunts and uncles, listens to his Grandma Louise tell her about parade floats, and politely dodges his teenage cousin’s awkward attempts to flirt with her. But, most importantly, Sara befriends Chloe, Jax’s oldest cousin’s five-year-old daughter.

“Can I tell you a secret?” she asks Sara after dragging her to a corner away from the rest of the family. “You _have_ to pinky-promise not to tell anyone.”

Sara holds her finger out. “Of course,” she says very seriously.

Chloe loops her pinky through. And then, somewhere between exhausted and annoyed, admits, “I don’t like football. It’s _boring._ ” Sara nods along, completely understanding why that would be a big deal in this family. “I went to my friend Tiffany’s house and her parents watched soccer and it was _way_ more fun. And there were girls playing it!”

Sara smiles. “ You know, I used to play soccer. I started when I was your age.”

Chloe’s eyes widen. “Can you show me?”

“Not this time. We don’t have a ball.”

“But next time?”

Sara pauses and bites the inside of her lip. But then, after a moment of looking at her adorably hopeful face, she nods. “Okay. Next time you’re in Central City, I’ll show you.”

Chloe grins, grabs Sara’s hand, and declares that she’s her new favorite person after her mommy and Beyonce. She spends the next thirty minutes telling Sara all about her friend Tiffany and everything she taught her about soccer. Sara thinks she could kept going, but Beverly rounds up the littlest kids to help her mash potatoes. And when Sara goes to try to help Dinah and Beverly in the kitchen, Beverly shakes her head and says Sara’s done more than enough by watching Chloe for the past hour.

And then, to Sara’s surprise, Beverly tells Jax to give her a tour of the house so the kids won't get distracted by Sara. Jax tries to tell Beverly that the kids can't possibly get distracted by by her if they're in the kitchen and Sara and Jax are in the den with Grandma Louise, but  Beverly gives him one look and he immediately shuts up and nods.

Sara grins and thinks so much about Jax makes a lot more sense.

The tour doesn't take very long, especially since they have to skip the kitchen to avoid the kids and Sara's already seen the living room and the den. There’s the backyard, where a couple of Jax's uncles are drinking beers in the backyard and tossing a football with some of his cousins. The only other thing downstairs is Grandma Louise's room, on the other side of the kitchen. Then there are three bedrooms upstairs - a guest room, Beverly's room, and Jax's old room.

“It used to be my dad's,” he explains, pointing out a couple of older photographs of high school football teams from the eighties. “Mom and Gran insisted I have it even though it's smaller than the guest room.”

Sara looks at some of his trophies lining the shelves and smiles at one for pee-wee flag football that's right next to one for James Jackson’s middle school MVP trophy. “Somehow, I don't think you minded much,” she says. “Is he where you got the football thing from?”

“Kind of. He was a wide receiver. Times weren't exactly in favor of black quarterbacks,” he explains. “Not that they love them now,” he adds.

She snorts and nods. “Do you miss playing?” she asks. “You didn't even try to join your family downstairs.”

For a second, she thinks he will try to use being with her as an excuse, which they both know would be a lie. If anything, he should be avoiding her since they aren't supposed to know each other. Even if that wasn't the case, she still has Dinah and Beverly here. And now Chloe.

“Sometimes,” he admits slowly. “But sometimes it's hard. It's one thing watching games from the outside, but being in it is hard.”

Like the game they went to, he says without words.

Sara wishes there was something she could say, but she knows there isn't anything that will help. She considers reminding him that she's there if he wants to talk, but she thinks he already knows that. In the end, she just takes his hand in hers, gently wrapping her fingers through his.

He smiles and squeezes her hand. And then, without even caring to check to make sure none of his relatives are around the corner, he leans down and kisses her once, quickly and softly. Afterwards, he presses his forehead against hers and looks into her eyes for a moment. Then kisses her again, more passionately.

“Sorry,” he says when they pull apart. “I did tell ya’ there was no way I was getting that outta my system,” he adds with a cheeky grin.

When he turns to go back, Sara catches him by his tie. She tugs at it playfully, not enough to mess it up, but enough to let him know exactly what it is she want. “Oh,” she says with an equally cheeky grin, “You can do better than that.”

He raises a brow and kicks the door shut. “Our moms are downstairs,” he says slowly. She smirks. She steps forward and closes the distance between them. He presses his lips and barely pretends to hide his grin. “But seeing as how we’re _upstairs_ …”

Sara puts her hands on his chest. “Now you’re getting it.”

She pushes him forward slightly, causing him to back into a dresser. Something falls off as a result, but she has no idea what because Jax grabs her by the waist and kisses her hard. She grins into his lips as her fists curl around his shirt.

The door swings open.

“Is everything alright. We heard a noi…” Beverly trails off as she gets a good, full look at them.

Sara jumps back and away from Jax as quickly as she can. “You didn’t lock the door?” she hisses. That’s rule _one_ of having a girl in your room.

Beverly crosses her arms over her chest and gives him the scariest look Sara thinks she has ever seen on Beverly’s face. “Jefferson Jackson, if Sara isn't this mystery girl you've been seeing, you and I are about to have a talk.”

They’re caught, Sara thinks. There’s absolutely no way around this. At this point, it doesn’t matter whether or not they’re ready to tell their moms about them dating, because there is no going back from this. Beverly literally caught them in the act. The easiest thing to do would be to just admit it. Sara knows that.

Still.

Jax should have locked the damn door.

“Wait,” Sara says, fake shock in her voice. “You're _seeing_ someone?”

Jax doesn't say anything but he gets this horrified look on his face and Sara is torn between feeling bad and laughing.

“ _Jefferson_.”

“I'm joking, Beverly,” Sara says quickly. Beverly frowns, clearly not sure if she should believe her. Sara digs her phone out of her pocket, and pulls up a picture from Sunday night when she was at his apartment. “Proof,” she says, holding up a picture of Jax making her dinner.

Beverly studies the picture. Then, with a neutral face, calls out, “Dinah! Can you come here?” Dinah’s footsteps patter up the stairs. After a few seconds, she appears. Beverly holds the phone up. “You were right.”

“You say that as if there was reason to doubt me.”

Jax looks between them. “ _Right_? About what?”

Dinah gives him an almost sympathetic smile. “Jefferson, I’m sure Sara’s mentioned to you that I’m a professor. At CCU. Which both of you attend.”

Crap.

“When did you find out?” Sara asks.

“Early October. Though it was fairly obvious earlier today,” Dinah says. She pauses then looks around the room and at Jax’s slightly disheveled shirt. She grins and adds, “I just didn’t think you two would be this obvious. For goodness sake,” she says playfully serious, “There are _children_ here.”

Yeah, Sara thinks, she’s _definitely_ got to get better about this subtlety thing.

 

Fortunately, Beverly and Dinah have no intention of telling the rest of the Jackson family about the incident in Jax’s old room. They swear they were actually going to wait for Sara and Jax to tell them on their own, but it’s not their fault their children are careless and really bad at keeping secrets. Which Sara thinks she believes, only because she thinks Dinah enjoyed laughing with Beverly about them when no one was around.

The actual Thanksgiving dinner goes smoothly. Though Sara thinks that’s partially because Chloe insists on sitting by her, which distracts her from just anything else. Everyone eats a lot, drinks a lot, and tells a bunch of jokes, only half of which Sara understands. Still, it’s nice. Loud and kind of chaotic, but nice.

Afterwards, almost everyone goes to the living room to watch the annual Gotham-Metropolis game. Sara, Jax, and one of his teenage cousins help pass out slices of Beverly’s pecan pies to everyone else.

“So Sara,” he says as they go back to the kitchen to get more plates. “Aunt Beverly says you just moved to Central City. It must be pretty lonely being away from home. I’d be happy to show you around the city.”

Jax laughs, full and loud. “Mike, you're like sixteen. You really think she’s ‘bout go for you?”

“I’m _eighteen_ ,” he snaps back. “And shut up, man. You’re just jealous cause you can see Sara and I have a connection.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

Before Sara even has a chance to respond, Dinah says, “I wouldn’t knock it, Jefferson. From what I’ve seen, Sara does like younger men.”

Beverly starts laughing as Jax nearly drops the plate of pie he’s picking up. Mike’s whole face lights up. Sara glares at her mother, who grinning like a cheshire cat. “Younger _man_ ,” she corrects her. “As in one. My boyfriend, specifically.”

A beat passes in silence. And then another.

“Right,” Dinah says in this way that is somehow both soft and playful. “My mistake.”

It only occurs to her then that it’s the first time she’s referred to Jax as her boyfriend in front of her mother. And, yeah, okay, it has only been a couple of hours since Dinah officially found out about him, but still. Standing there with Jax’s suddenly bright grin, it kind of feels significant.

After all the pie is passed out, Sara tries to help Beverly and Dinah put up the leftovers, but they immediately shove her and Jax out of the kitchen with two plates of pie and tell them to relax. By the time they get to the living room, the first quarter of the game is over with Metropolis leading seven-to-three, which bodes great for about a third of the room and horrible for the rest. Sara smiles and sits on the couch next to Jax’s Grandma Louise, while he settles on the floor across the room and tries to keep Chloe from stealing his pie.

And for the next thirty minutes, everything is fine. Good, even. Sara eats two slices of pie, cheers for the Gotham Wildcats, and chats with Ms. Louise about the years she spent in Gotham in her youth. She even manages to dodge another one of Jax’s teenage cousins’ attempt to flirt with her. And, vaguely, she thinks it might be the most fun she’s had during a holiday in a long time.

Which is why it really sucks when one of Jax’s uncle mentions something about taking the kids around the neighborhood, and Sara suddenly remembers the time she was thirteen and her parents let fifteen-year-old Laurel drive when they went out to look at the lights. And suddenly being in that room filled with happy, laughing family members feels like too much.

“Excuse me,” she mumbles as she gets up and walks past Chloe’s mom and Ms. Louise, but neither seem to really notice, both otherwise occupied in their conversation.

Jax notices, of course. She’s barely in the backyard for a minute before she hears the door slide open behind her. “Snow, you okay?”

She forces a smile before she turns around to face him. “You keep following me around like this and your family is going to think something is up.”

“I don’t care about that right now,” he says, stepping forward and closing the distance between. His fingers brush against her elbow, gently holding on to it. “Are _you_ okay?” he asks. When she doesn’t answer, he frowns. “Sara, talk to me.”

She pauses and considers trying to brush it off. Judging by how Jax is looking at her, she doesn’t think she can. She sighs. “I just haven’t done the happy family Thanksgiving thing in a while. It’s… a lot. I think I forgot.” She shakes her head. “It's stupid.”

“No, it's not,” he says so softly she almost doesn't hear it. “Trust me, I get it.”

She closes her eyes for a second, smiles a little sadly, and thinks that they are quite the pair. When she takes a breath and opens her eyes, she isn't surprised to see him studying her.

“Let’s go,” he offers. “Get out of here.”

“No,” Sara says quickly, which almost seems to surprise him. “I... want to stay. At least for the rest of the game. I just need a minute.”

He frowns and for a moment she thinks he’ll argue with her about it. For a moment, she thinks he does too, because he opens his mouth. But then he shuts it. Finally, he sighs. “Okay,” he agrees.

She smiles and for a second considers kissing him. She doesn’t though, half certain that one of his cousins is watching them through the window. “Go back inside. I’m right behind you.”

He nods and gently squeezes her elbow once before he turns and goes in. Sara stays there, counting the seconds, until two minutes pass. Then goes inside, grabs a glass of wine, and sits back down beside Chloe’s mom. Sara smiles and has her drink, and even holds sleeping Chloe when her mom needs to get up to take a call for work.

In the last two minutes of the game, when Gotham has possession and is leading by nine points, Jax shoots her a text asking if she’s ready to go. She stares at it for a beat before she looks around the room. A few people have already left, a few are asleep on the couches, and the few still watching the game are losing interest. Finally, careful to not look up at him, she nods.

He gets up and heads to where they last saw their moms. After a minute, Sara follows.

“Hey, mom,” Jax says as they stick their heads into the kitchen. Beverly and Dinah are both there, pretending to still be wrapping up leftovers but actually standing around drinking the bottle of wine Dinah brought. “I'm going to drop Sara home so Dinah can hang with you for the night.”

“Well, that's very considerate of you, Jefferson,” Beverly says. Then almost too nonchalantly adds, “I assume you'll be back afterwards?”

Jax purses his lips, not sure how to answer.

Sara smirks. “Not if I have anything to do with it.”

Dinah grins and toasts the air. Her wine sloshes around, but doesn't quite make it out of the glass. “That's my girl,” she says proudly.

“And that's my boy!” Beverly says holding her glass up.

“And _that's_ our cue to leave,” Sara says when they toast each other.

She rolls her eyes but smiles when she gives her mom a brief hug goodbye. Jax grins and kisses Beverly on the head. He lets her know that Grandma Louise is asleep on the couch, and that he’ll be back in the morning to take her Black Friday shopping.

Afterwards, he says a quick goodbye to the rest of his (awake) family, vaguely explaining that he’s giving Sara a ride since Dinah is still hanging with his mom. Either no one thinks it’s strange or doesn’t care enough to question it, which is nice. And they make it all the way to the front door before a tiny voice calls out for Sara. She turns around to see a half-asleep Chloe running over.

Jax smiles and bends down, and ruffles her hair a little. “We have to go now, kiddo.”

Chloe shakes her head and bats his hand away. “I have to tell Sara something,” she insists.

Sara smiles and puts her hand on Jax’s shoulder before he can tell Chloe no. “Okay, what’s up?” she asks.

“Not here,” Chloe says and grabs Sara’s hand. “You stay here,” she tells Jax before drags Sara to the stairs. “Can I tell you another secret?”

“Of course,” Sara says with a smile as she crouches down to Chloe’s level.

“You have to pinky-promise!” Chloe explains holding out her finger, which Sara accepts. “Okay,” Chloe says once she’s satisfied Sara won’t say anything. She glances around Sara to make sure no one is there before she whispers dramatically, “I think Uncle Jax has a crush on you.”

Sara presses her lips together and does her best to try to keep a serious face. “Oh? Why do you say that?”

“He smiles a lot when he looks at you. You make him happy.”

This time Sara does smile. And even though a part of her thinks she shouldn’t, she asks, “Can I tell you a secret?” Chloe nods. “I have a crush on your Uncle Jax too. But don’t tell anyone.”

Chloe’s face lights up and she holds her finger up and pinky-promises not to tell. Afterwards, she takes Sara’s hand and walks her back to the doorway where Jax is waiting, Sara’s jacket already in his arms. Chloe looks at him very seriously and says, “You’re welcome,” before she hugs him and then runs off.

Jax raises a brow as Sara puts on her jacket. “You know, I used to be her favorite,” he says opening the door.

She grins as she walks out. “Don’t worry. You still are.”

He frowns and she can see the realization hitting him. “Hold up,” he says, closing the door behind them. He jogs a little to catch up to her as she goes up to his car. “She was talkin’ about me? What’d she say?”

Sara laughs as they get in. He turns on the heat and she changes his radio stations. “I can neither confirm nor deny that,” she says, settling on a station. “I’ve been sworn to secrecy.”

“Uh-huh,” Jax says, checking his rearview mirror before backing out of the driveway. “Was the secret that Chloe thinks I have a crush on you? ‘Cause that’s what she told me about you.”

“Oh, God,” Sara says. “Are we really that bad at this?”

“I prefer to look at it like we’re really good at this part,” he says, taking her hand with his free one and kissing it. She smiles, which makes him smile. He asks, “Did you wanna watch a movie or something when we get back to the apartment? Wally went to Coast City to spend Thanksgiving with Linda's family so he won't be back until tonight.”

“Sure,” Sara says. Then pauses and adds, “Or you could come over to my place. If you want. I'm not sure when Nate and Amaya will be home, though.”

She expects it to feel weird asking him, for her shoulders to tense and for the air to feel thin. But it doesn’t. It feels… normal. Almost nice.

And maybe it’s because he’s met her mom now. Officially, as her boyfriend. Or maybe it’s because Beverly already caught them making out in his old room. Or maybe it's something else. Sara isn’t sure. But no matter what the actual reason, she thinks today proves that they’re past the point where she gets to feel weird about bringing him to her apartment.

Which is good, because sitting there with him, driving back after the most ridiculous Thanksgiving she's ever had, it doesn’t feel weird.

“You inviting me over, Snow?”

She shrugs and as nonchalantly as she can says, “We always go to your place. Figured it was my turn.”

He smiles. “I'd like that.”

They still stop at his apartment so he can grab some clothes for the morning and, much to Sara's disappointment, so he can change out of his button-up and slacks and into sweats. So, with a cheeky grin, he makes a show of complaining when they get back to her place and she changes out of her dress and into pajamas.

Sara makes them hot chocolate with amaretto and Jax finishes his almost immediately. He grins at her when she asks how he can even chug something that hot and tells her that he likes the heat before he kisses her with chocolate still on his lips. They set up the couch with a ton of blankets and pillows, though the latter becomes useless two episodes into _Fringe_ when Jax decides her lap is far more comfortable than any pillow could be.

She wakes up like that, sitting on the couch with Jax asleep in her lap, around midnight when her phone goes off. She blinks at it for a moment, confused when Nate’s face pops up on the screen, but yawns and answers it.

“Happy Thanksssgiving!” he cheers.

“How much did you drink? And where is Amaya?” she asks immediately.

“Four glasses of wine,” he announces proudly. “And ‘Maya fell asleep. And I can’t drive. So we are staying here tonight.”

Sara very seriously considers reminding Nate that she’s not his mother and he doesn’t need to check-in with her when he isn’t coming home. Ultimately, she decides against it, figuring it will probably hurt his feelings. “Okay,” she says softly instead. “I’ll see you guys in the morning then.”

“Wait. Why are you whispering?” he asks. “Is someone asleep? Is _Jax_ there?”

“No, it’s my other boyfriend,” she says. “Get some water and go to sleep. Goodnight, Nate.” She hangs up before he can protest and sighs dramatically.

“Other boyfriend, huh?” Jax asks, turning so that he's looking up at her.

Sara shrugs. “Zari did warn you,” she says with a smile. “Since you’re up, you think you’re ready to move to a bed?”

“Nope,” he says and grins, but he sits up anyways and stretches. She stands up and shakes her legs awake. “Hey, Snow.”

“Yeah?” she asks, gathering her blanket. When he doesn't answer, she glances over to see him smiling softly at her. “What?”

He opens his mouth and then closes it again. After a beat he says, “You're beautiful.”

She rolls her eyes but smiles. She leans down and gives him a quick kiss. “That’s the third time you’ve said that today. Keep it up and I'm going to start thinking you want something.”

Jax smirks, catches her arm before she can stand back up, and pulls her into his lap. “Who says I don't?”

She wraps her arms around his neck. “Oh,” she says with a mischievous grin. “It's like that?”

“It's _definitely_ like that.”

He kisses her, first sweetly, almost lightly, but then it changes as he grips at her waist, his fingers curling around the bare skin beneath her shirt. Sara’s arms tighten around his neck, and she shifts forward, closing as much distance between them as she can. He kisses her more passionately with every beat, until she finally pulls back.

She keeps her eyes closed as she presses her forehead against his, her breath heavy against his, her noses smushed against his. They stay there for a moment, just breathing each other in. She smiles and opens her eyes, completely ready to tease him, when she sees realizes he’s giving her this _look_. Vaguely, she feels his thumbs drawing circles on her back, and the feeling makes her melt and tighten up at the same time.

Without realizing it, she shudders.

He catches her bottom lip and smirks as his teeth graze over the skin.

And Sara thinks… well, she doesn't think.

“Bedroom.”

Jax doesn't say anything. But he keeps his eyes locked on hers and he looks at her for another moment before he nods.

His hands tighten around her waist and, with strength that she assumes comes from all those years in sports, he lifts them both up. She gasps, a little surprised by the movement, but wraps her legs around his waist. She grins and kisses him along his jawline as he carries her into her room.

And this time Sara doesn’t even care that he doesn’t stop long enough to lock the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been struggling a lot with this fic lately, so any comments would be even more appreciated this time around.


End file.
